Your name. People use it but you don't. You are stuck with it for life. You CAN change it but it won't be the same; to your mum, dad, family and close friends, you'll be that and that only. You can, like me, go by a variant which can ultimately suite your persona better (I personally think 2 'M's and 2 'I's over 2 syllables are funkier. It is also fun for me to sign my name). I know a few people who have names that you only come across very often. My father for example. It's a unique name to him and the people he knows probably don't know of another person with his name. And besides, he's not a kid anymore so his name is exempt from this list. I've been working as a party host and with it comes a great load of paper work and not a lot of money. Within the paper work, we have invitations and in there is a chance for a brilliant wheeze at names alone. Because I had to sort out stickers, I got a chance to look through the names of all these kids ridiculed by their own name. Maybe it's a common thing or maybe I have a one dimensional sort of humour...It's the former, I know.
Celebrity Kids with Stupid Names
Because you're famous and have lots of money you can do almost do whatever you want, buy whatever you want, whenever, all of the time. You can buy a yacht and bury it and no one would think you're a window licker because you are famous and have a bank account full of bullion. HOWEVER, because you are in the public eye, it doesn't mean to say you can go around naming your children what the bleeding hell you like. Because, the famous people who do, look like window lickers. You can look through any internet site and find a mass of stupid names from celebrity parents. The Beckhams, the Geldofs and the Zappas. Go have a look;
I just don't want to be blatantly copying other sites.
So what if you aren't a window-licking celebrity?
Well, put simply you're just a window licker but in the general public. These sorts of people like to give their children tasteless, despicable names. It would be a pretty lousy entry to the blog if it just consisted of link to another website. So, I did my own research. Here are just some of the most awful, nasty names given to children I have seen in the long 2 months of working at this place.
Garvey - This name was found and I stumbled when I saw it. I thought someone had got the wrong end of the stick and put the surname in the where it said 'child's name' on the form but I checked over when it was first booked and to my surprise, it was there as well. Garvey doesn't sound like a particularly intelligent name on both the child and parents side. It's like they couldn't agree on Gary or Harvey so they stuck them both together to create this. Why did they stick the wrong ends too? They could have gone with the HAR of Harvey and the RY of Gary to create HARRY!
*Note: Garvey actually means 'Rough Piece' which is a fantastic name for child!
Scarlotte - And it isn't just the boys either. In the Lincolnshire Echo, they run a yearly competition for best baby photos or something, and I was flicking through, inspired by these silly names and I tried to find the silliest. And I did! It just looks like very poor spelling when you merge Charlotte and Scarlett. Maybe they thought that because they both rhyme, it wouldn't be a problem. Well, I'm telling you, it is. You don't spell Scarlett like that. The most ambitious you get with the name Scarlett is by adding the extra T to turn from the colour red, into a name. Just ask Scarlett Johansson. Again, like it's been badly welded together. By a blind man! And speaking of misspelling...
Rylee - There's spelling differently and then there's spelling it wrong. Jimmi is spelt differently to Jimmy but both are acceptable. But I don't spell my name Jymmee. Mainly because it just looks like I've fallen asleep on my keyboard but mostly it looks like it should be pronounced 'Jiymee.' It should be spelt Riley; you can see the how the name is composed. With Rylee, it looks like someone has an idiotic parent who thought two E's are better than an e and a y. So that must mean they use the words Jockee, Hokee Cokee, Lacee, obee and quite aptly Loonee.
Fflyr - This first looked like another keyboard/insomnia event. Then I thought it was a Welsh name so I hit good old Google to try and find in a list of names. I was surprised that even Google was struggling. It so desperately wanted to look for 'flyer.' I don't even know how it's pronounced. I want to say 'fler' but now Google has got the idea into my head, I can't stop seeing Flyer.
Destiny - Destiny is probably the backbone of Horoscopes which I discovered are a load of boswellox. Miley Cyrus' real name is Destiny Hope which is basically Billy Ray thinking 'Believe and hope this is gonna work out.' Besides, I don't believe in Destiny, as I found out...
Cordillia - On the party list, this name was down as Cordy. It wasn't a misspelling so it wasn't Cardy or Curdy or Gordy as I thought. Turns out it was short for Cordillia which I think sounds like the most upper class name ever. Not Cordelia, with an e, this is Cordillia with an I. And that changes the pronunciation completely. Again like Flyer, Google desperately wants to find Cordelia. And now it, and the fact Google can't find her, is going to be the bane of her life for ever. Cordy really does sum impressions of a gadget that keeps your computer cables untangled and tidy.
Templar - Aren't they Knights? Templar is supposed to be a boys name symbolising 'Temple'. Great...People named after head components. So, soon expect the family to be joined by Forehead, Crown, Nape and Cranium.
Summer and Autumn - Going back to the Lincolnshire Echo thing, I found there was an unsettling rise in babies and young kids with the names Summer and Autumn. Summer is a sunny season; the sunniest, so maybe that will be reflected in the kids personality. Still doesn't mean it should be done. Autumn is worse because it's the changing from Summer into Winter. Maybe the parents of this particular child were thinking that the name Autumn could reflect their child's personality, like Summer. They think Autumn is about the colours, the serenity, the calm. More like the calm before the storm! Autumn is colder than Summer. Autumn has more rain. Autumn has more cold days. Autumn also has lazier days and earlier nights. And then there's the fact that Spring and Winter don't even get a look in. I mean why not? People are clearly using two months, why not use the other two? "Winter! Your dinner is ready!" Or "come down stairs, Spring!" Imagine if they had 4 kids all named after seasons. That'd get confusing. "Summer, you can't go outside because Winter is playing outside. You two always fight. You can play with Spring and Autumn because they're closer to you than Winter. Winter's a bitch anyway. She destroys the roads, closes the schools and bursts water pipes. Although Summer does have a habit of burning people..." like the serial arsonist that kid is clearly going to grow up to be.
And then we come to names from the Bibble. Names like Moses and Noah. Names go with the zietgiest - signs of the times. Back in the biblical era, Moses and Noah were highly influential people, as I'm sure you're aware. Moses handed down the commandments - the rules for a good life; whereas Noah saved the animals from a flood God sent as a punishment. Nowadays, Noah (or Noa, as I've come across (not even spelt correctly)) and Moses are everywhere. Any one of them could be as influential but not all 500* of them in Lincoln alone!
*Slight exaggeration
So, if you're going to take any of my information and any insight from my highly intelligent blog post*, then take this: don't be a window licker if you're not a celebrity. If you are, then them windows aren't going to lick themselves!
