Why Formula One is the best sport ever!

I'm not really known for my sporty attitude. I don't like football; I consider any game you can play in a pub not really a sport; I don't spend a fortune on a season ticket to see something I, quite frankly, could get a damn-sight lot easier from the TV. I did watch various events throughout the year, when they're on, because they're on. But there is one sport that I watch religiously whenever I can, start to end, and that's Formula One. F1 is pretty good, I have to admit. I've kept my eye on it since it moved from ITV to the BBC a few years ago and it can be quite gripping at times. Yes, there are the occasions where one driver gets ahead and the rest just follow but motor racing is 9 times out of 10, fairly unpredictable. Anything can happen at any time from the simple to the insane. With the 2010 season finished, I thought this would be a nice tribute to the best sport in the world. In the words of Murray Walker, "And they're go, go, GO!"

There's been a colourful History
Ever since the internal combustion engine went into the first horseless carriage, man has always wanted to race it. If it moves, the next best thing to do is make it go faster than any other competitor. They did it with horses, steam trains and boats so the car was always going to be raced. It all started to become a lot more popularised by the French Grand Prix way back in the late 1800s up until Formula One was created after the Second World War in the 1950s. This created names such as Stirling Moss, Juan Manuel Fangio and Alberto Ascari and showing car manufacturers such as Mercedes-Benz, Ferrari, Alfa Romeo, Bugatti and Maserati to name but a few. It's a genuine sport and everyone involved wouldn't be doing what they're doing without the past. It has come such a long way since then....

It shows who has the toughest metal on the track
Ferrari and Mercedes-Benz are still on the track to this day, along with Renault and Cosworth all of which supplying engines. These then branch off into the teams; Scuderia Ferrari, Scuderia Torro Rosso Ferrari, BMW Sauber Ferrari, Vodafone McLaren Mercedes, Mercedes GP, Force India, Renault F1, Red Bull Racing Renault, AT&T Williams, Lotus Racing, Hispania Racing and Virgin Racing respectively. There's a few names there but they're all fighting it out. They can all produce as well as each other. For the 2010 season just gone, the latter Cosworth engined machine were further down the field but last year Force India were at the very back, yet they managed to drag it back this year. So, next year, we could be in the same sort of area with the slower, lower classed cars racing with the big guys. Now that would be fun!

You don't have to remember many names
The season just gone had the most teams in a while - 12. That's only 24-odd drivers you have to remember! Not an entire team of 11 and another team of 11. And they could be any 11 out of a million-gazillion teams on this earth. F1 is just a lot easier.

Cars Crash
Slightly morbid, but it happens. It add excitement and drama. A driver could be winning right up until the last lap and he bins his car into a barrier or another car and he loses his lead. Which shows that a driver has to have his concentration and wits about him all the time. Anything can happen in a race. Sebastian Vettel lost two front wheels during a qualifying lap. Mark Webber's Red Bull famously gave him wings when he hit (driver) and took off in one of the seasons biggest incidents. Luckily for Webber, he walked away like he'd only bumped into a bollard rather than heading skyward. It goes to show how well these cars are built and that they cocoon the driver in collision. Anything can happen. Racers have met their fate behind the wheel of an F1 car in the past, but in the past 16 years, it hasn't happened since.

The track locations are spectacular
If you watch the Formula One, chances are it's being broadcast from a very nice place. Races are held all over the world. Places like Monte Carlo, Abu Dhabi, Singapore and Valencia. Drivers and their team travel all over the world in one season with a mix of tracks that take place in short narrow streets or purpose built tracks in the sticks. And with F1, locations give different climates which means it could be totally different to the last place the drivers were. It could be hot and sunny, or it could be cloudy and wet, and these factors make each race different adding more to that 'anything could happen' side to the battle.

It doesn't take away your precious time
F1 is only held on a Sunday. And even then it could be every other Sunday. Not a lot is on the television on a Sunday so it's the perfect time to sit down, chill and watch the race. There is the qualifier on on the Saturday, which gives an insight to how the leaders are doing but this isn't vital to the race as...And since ITV don't show it anymore, there's no breaks meaning you don't miss anything. Fantastic.

Anyone can do well
With racing, if you can stay ahead, that's good but if you get ahead, that's better. This past season just gone, Sebastian Vettel won the championship at the age of 23 making him the youngest driver to win ever. The previous year Jenson Button won the championship after years of battling with Honda. The year before that Lewis Hamilton won. Michael Schumacher became the oldest F1 driver to race. You don't have to be super good to do well and get recognised. You don't even have to win to get praise either. Niko Hulkenburg gained pole in the Brazillian GP, which was bloody good!

And without being sexist...
Women have been known to race in F1 and do well. It's not common now but we could bet that it may well happen again. Vicky Butler-Henderson and Jodie Kidd are well known for being petrol heads. So even though it may not have happened in while, it can happen again: The ladies driving with the guys. Oh and, just saying but F1 drivers wives and girlfriends are better than Footballers wives and girlfriends. Not counting Mark Webber in this though. Google search and you'll see how correct I am.

WARNING: Don't read this if you spent hours queuing!

Are you sure your want me to carry on? Fare-thee-well, I shall

Today, a video game has just beat all records on this planet. People spent up to and above 30 hours queuing outside game stores all over Britain, in the freezing cold November weather, battling the elements the Gods threw at them. They fought through wind, rain and in some parts, even snow. Like on hills and mountains and stuff. I've written a few sentences and I can hear you screaming "What is this game? Please tell us for we are dying to know" even if you aren't. This game is of course, Call of Duty: Black Ops.

Now simply: why? Why is Call of Duty the best selling game ever?

As far as I can see the game is literally the same format time and time and time again. But so is Grand Theft Auto. And Need For Speed. And Burnout, and so on. But that isn't my jibe. The people, that's where my beef is. Whoooo would spend 30 hours waiting for A GAME? It's almost as bad as the people who queued for Harry Potter to come out (in the book sense not the closet sense. We'll be in for an even longer wait for that, now that there are no more books).

In my favouritest ever publication The Sun (simple things, simple minds) they highlighted Blops, as it known, because of its success. Actually, they didn't. They told how a video game can ruin a relationship. Oh my word! How can that be? What are video games becoming? It told the true tale of a man who is that obsessed with Call of Duty, he spends every waking minute shooting some teenager on the other side of the globe and his wife hates this "hobby" of his. She even said that it was becoming a second woman. The guy even snook his PS3 to a wedding and was found, rather embarrassingly, caught in the act of playing Call of Duty in a hotel room after saying he was going to the pub with a friend. Luckily, it wasn't his own wedding. Back in the days of Sonic the Hedgehog and Mario, everything was happy. Space Invaders is still stupidly addictive. But as far as splitting up a loving couple? Now, Euston, we do have a problem. Imagine the confrontation with the entire family and the explanation of the divorce. It would only be more awkward if one of them was actually a zombie drooling over the aspect of eating the families brains.

I stand by video games though. I have said it before that video games have become highly initiative in the past 10 years, which is a very short time. We've gone from 2D graphics to 3D, HD, interactivity that put you in the game and endless hours of joy and entertainment. Video games are the movies that you depict. But there's only one way that a war game can go. If you know your history, you should be able to predict who is going to win. Especially with it being set during the Vietnam War, a country that still has echoes of it's grisly past. I've never really seen eye to eye with a shoot-em up. Mainly because I see games like this as boring. I don't really see the appeal bouncing around a barren wasteland looking through my weapons to figure out which gun would be best to pick him off the top of the building. My head says "sniper rifle" in a very quiet voice but really both my head and my heart are shouting at me to use the rocket launcher - just to see this one bad guy go in a thousand directions at once. Out of the first person shooters I've played they've normally followed the same pattern each time: Start playing, run around, shoot the walls and doors and anything that isn't an enemy, run out of ammunition, see an enemy who ultimately starts shooting at me for no reason I can see (probably just had a really bad day), die, start again, blow up that baddy with my only rocket propelled grenade, run out of ammunition again, get shot again, turn it off and go fetch my guitar.

£50 for a game and another 250 quid on top of that for the console, if you're starting from the bottom. I've spent more than a thousand pounds on instruments. People may say I've wasted my money but honestly, that's not bothering me. I must say, it's rather a feat of accomplishment. So in conclusion, I will never wait for more than a day to get a video game. I am excited at the fact that in the near future, I will possibly own a PlayStation 3 and hopefully get with it Test Drive: Unlimited 2. Mainly because it has Ferrari on the car list and the only time I've ever "driven" a Ferrari in a video game was in OutRun at a Skegness arcade, in which I drifted a 288 GTO. Call of Duty on the other hand - I'd rather spend my 50 squids on guitar strings.

People write the strangest things...

...And no, I'm not just on about myself. Hahaha!

In fact I was reading The Sun newspaper, as you do, last Thursday. I then came to the letters page very near the back of the paper and couldn't help but laugh at why somebody had spent their own time to send the following message [in regards to Jamiroquai frontman Jay Kay's outburst during his stint on the X Factor-y towards Dannii Minogue and Cheryl Cole]:

Jay Kay is a fool to break the golden rule of showbiz which is to never criticise other performers. His ignorant rant was not based on fact but rather his own perception. Dannii Minogue has more broad-based talent than JK. She is by turns a singer, dancer, actor, model, author, mother, fashion designer, TV presenter and judge and mentor on two prime-time TV shows on two continents, not to mention her chart success.


I looked at it and thought that this was metaphorical heaven and blog-post gold. Let's break up this silly mans (it is a man) letter to The Sun and enjoy it for it's comedy value and why he's wrong. Starting with point one;

Jay Kay is not a fool to break the rule in showbiz about criticising other performers. It happens all the time. A critisism can be a positive or negative view. Not being able to have your own humble opinion on anything if you're in the public eye is impossible; anything you will say, it will probably end up in Heat magazine or some bullcrap like that. Yes, Jay's opinion was negative but there is no one there stopping him from saying it

I'd say, in Jay's defense that he was correct when he said that both Cheryl and Dannii were useless. They are...but lo...Mr. Newspaper-posty-man gives a detailed list on what Dannii Minogue has done in her career. Singing, dancing, actor, etc. But she hasn't sung in donkey's years; she acted in Aussie soaps so we don't know how bad she was (I'm guessing very); anyone can write a book but she didn't even do that by herself; she may be a model but with a face full of creosote and collagen or whatever it's called, it just makes natural models look better; and to make matters worse, she is a judge on car crash telly that is fighting a losing battle to the Grim Reaper. And what chart success? Apart from the UK Dance Charts because Australia didn't want it. Even album sales... 7 million worldwide album sales for Miss Minogue. No, not like her better sister, Kylie ("I want to be famous like my sister nowwwww!"). Mr Kay on the other hand has 25 million worldwide...

Jay's new album even charted at number 7 in the album charts on Sunday. Agreed, 7th isn't the best place to enter the charts but at least it's in the top 10. Dannii? Where's yours this decade? Oh and the guy who posted his letter didn't even mention poor Cheryl which just goes to show that someone out there thinks less of Cheryl than the "British Nation."

With figures like that impressive 25 mil', Jay is in the right place to criticise! I take my massively oversized, silly hat off to you Mr James Kay. Seems that Dannii really is a jack of all trades sort of person. And master of absolutely sod all!

Epiphany IV

Maybe there was something else that needed to happen in Music. Or at least something different on my behalf. I therefore decided that since rock was going to be my audible delight, pop should be my main area of expertise.

There is reasoning behind this madness. You look at the top 40 singles charts as it stands today. Guitar based bands aren't up there anymore and if there are, there's only a few. I realised that if any money was to be made it would be made in pop. Pop has so much character to it and it can branch off anywhere whilst still being pop. But, I am not saying for one instance that rock doesn't have character. It's a different sort of character compared to modern day pop music. For example, pop can feature the standard band set up such as guitars, bass, vocals and drums. But you can then spread that to include pianos, keyboards, sythesizers, stringed instruments, acoustic guitars, samplers...all laden with effects. Listen to Katy Perry's California Gurls. In there you have the band instruments. The guitars and bass are very funky and very varied throughout. Then you have the synth pads that add another texture. You've then got Snoop rapping in the middle 8. There's a vocoder in there. You've got all these creative elements. You can't have a vocoder in rock band because, although it would be cool, it would have its limits. Pop can then extend into Dance, Trance and House. Chemical Brothers, Daft Punk, Fatboy Slim and certain Lady Gaga songs include these styles. And it's not just pop songs either, there's remixes and club tunes too. When people goes out to paint the town red, the songs that play get them people moving. They either like it a lot or they're very drunk (normally the latter, and yes, I have used this phrase before). But either way, they're enjoying it. It's the atmosphere it creates. It 3 minutes worth of mad dancing, whereas rock could be anything from quick-paced to really moving, depending on the style. I also love remixes too because they may be created from other works but there is still the creativity behind it. A cover can be a different interpretation of a song. A remix is more like a different creation of the same song. Even better if it's a mashup. And the best thing is, some of them seem so easy to create.

After being shown an article in Sound on Sound by my music teacher, I got really interested in becoming a producer. Producers such as StarGate have created songs for Rihanna and this is something I would like to do. This was when I found out that the magic answer was pop music. And the more of the rawkess side of pop, like I say clubtunes and Dance. My next step was to start experimenting with it.

The school had a little analogue USB synthesizer; a Korg MS-20ic. It was a gordy looking synth with huge dials, little keys and button that didn't do anything. It was hooked up to the computer and ran through a music programme called Cubase. The schools version of Cubase had some plug-ins on the soundcard which allowed the synthesizer to act as a USB keyboard so I could essentially play through the computer and changed the sounds on screen as well adjust with dials. I loved playing around with the oscillations to get these 'growing and pulsing' synth sounds. I found a collection of the sounds that I liked and made a note of them. Then, in my own time, I made up a very simple chord line and song structure. Over the next few weeks I worked frantically on this synth driven dance song that could make Cascada run for the hills. The result was fascinating; it sounded so professional and was very surprising that it only took 5 weeks to go from simple idea to a finished track. This was used in my BTEC Music technology course and was probably what got me my high marks. Or so I like to think. I did even write lyrics to this song, which at the moment is called Stop, for intended use on a female vocalist. I asked a few girls I knew to sing over it but sadly I got turned down. Their loss. But this goes to show. In 5 weeks, I got a fully created tune. Albeit, it was an instrumental, but a tune none the less. And I did it all including the drums. I have never been known for my drumming ability, but with a dancey-poppy sort of song, it's easy to make a drum track. All you need is a booming bass drum sound, handclaps, snares and a few cymbals and that is essentially it. Put them into any rhythm and that's that. It's so easy. And, it wasn't the only pop based work I was doing at the time either.

Another song I was creating was a rework of Katy Perry's Hot n Cold using her vocal track and the result was my interpretation of the hit song. It used guitars, basses and a real kit. You could even say that this was essentially a remix. I theory, it is. I know it was a cover but it still had my creative element in there as I had to find certain sounds my Telecaster could create; find a synth line that worked (I ended up using an arpeggiated synth line); and I included a solo, which the original doesn't have. So, yes, it was a cover, but it was my cover. And I got to boast that I was 'working with Katy Perry.' I just wish I knew how lucky I was.

Driving - The Test

I've just read my Driving posts from March and there's a reason for this. To see what I did in the past to compare it with yesterdays drive. It was then that I realised that in the last post I said I passed my theory test. That was in August. It's now October. Turns out I wasn't as good a driver as what I thought I was so I had to move my test back. This was a good thing. Or was it? It turned out my test was on the 4th of October; the same day the driving test got changed. The change was half an hour of standard directional driving from the examiner and then 10 minutes of independent driving. No instructions; just get from one point to another following a map or signs. One maneuver was taken out so that left only one to do in the test. I thought it was a lot easier to be honest.

So then, test day. No whisky for dutch courage, this was the real thing. I got picked up by Alan at 11:30 on the Monday morning to do a recap of everything from all reversing maneuvers to the emergency stop. Everything. I've come such a long way since the first lesson and to tell you the truth, I was bloody nervous. My first attempt n'all...
I drove to the test centre and parked up and waited for my examiner. Dave Slim, his name was. He was an old timer so the emergency stop was well out of the question. I did my eye test, (I didn't have to unlock the car door. It didn't turn up on the test) and the 'show me/tell me' question and then we were on our way. Well, what to say. Only one maneuver. And it was my all time favourite; a turn in the road, done seamlessly! Fantastic! Ironically, part of the test was done following the route I did in the morning, with a few stop/starts thrown in along the way. Then we came up to a roundabout. I knew how to tackle roundabouts in the past but this one threw me off completely. I did the unthinkable. The unreasonable. The damnright silly! I stalled! I did not want to do that. But I got the car started and I went off behind some houses. After trundling along at 30mph down a road I got told to pull over. This was the start of the independent driving part. I got given the directions to follow and then I set off. I got to another roundabout and didn't stall. But got marked down on hesitancy, but more on that later. I then proceeded down past my own house and onto the A46 single carriageway. This mean another roundabout which was done perfectly. Down the 46 is went, slamming it into 5th but keeping to the limit. I didn't go above 60, which was a shame. But I knew that at the end of this was another roundabout and then homeward bound. If only a Polish car hadn't pulled out, dramatically plummeting my speed to 30mph. I finally got to the roundabout and turned straight in without stopping. I then drove back to the test centre and finished.
Dave then said rather slowly, "What I'm going to do is tell you where your good points were and bad points and show you them and how they correspond to my examiners criteria...oh by the way, you've passed"
Wait, when breaking news, you say that first!



FIRST!


Not last!

But I passed. I didn't want to but I did! I was ecstatic! I could hardly believe my luck! I got 6 minors and no majors. First time! Heavens forbid, I can hardly believe it now. They took away my license. I'm now waiting to a brand new pink full license. I can now drive any car. There is not going to be anyone sitting to my left that is going to criticise me on every little thing. Of course, I'm going to be safe. I'm going to be very safe. I haven't got a car. But the fact goes, I did when I didn't believe I could. It just goes to show: Every cloud. Every single cloud! Every one of them...
Every cloud has a Diesel Weasel!

 Wait...what?

Epiphany V

Finally, the last in the series of The Epiphanies, for now. So, let's look at the options I have and how they weigh up...

Well, firstly, there's the fact that I would like to become a record producer. That way it would give me the freedom of still having knowledge of playing instruments and how they should sound in the studio. Playing live is brilliant fun but I would rather come out of the limelight and let someone else take the glory. That's the thing - I've played as a frontman and as an instrumentalist and both are immense fun with the latter being a lot easier as not all the focus is on the rhythm guitarist; I cannot stress that enough. But with being a producer, there is some responsibility but it's not like they have to be on top of it all and to be always focused on the audience and critiques. It is like it feels a lot better whilst still generating the same sort of buzz. Of course, when the time arises, I can still step back into frontman mode. Another thing is that although I'd be writing songs, I probably won't get all the glory for it and I don't particularly want to become a Mark Ronson or David Guetta (more on him later), because they should really stay behind the scenes. In all honesty, I would like the credit but have the credit anonymously. That may sound silly and somewhat impossible but it's not. The name Jimmi Cottam would be credited as songwriter/composer but the singer wouldn't be. And, I know, I have a thing about artists should write their own songs and not have someone else do it, but really, that sort of thing happens all over the place nowadays. In essence the vocals would be treated as another instrument. Another colour in the palette to work with.
Rock has now become my listening interest. Love the stuff. Always will. But with pop, I can still use parts of rock and fuse it with something else to make it better (or worse).

I'm feeling comfortable with this sort of project though because there is so much to choose from in the area of Popular Music. So comfortable in fact that I have started using my Yamaha PSR-540 keyboard a lot more. With that I wrote a song called Desiderium (Can't Carry On). This is totally different to what I've done ever before; a million miles away from Delayed Finality but still a thousand miles away from my first effort, Stop. I had never wrote a piano ballad before. I hadn't really wrote a ballad before. I had never wrote a piano song before. With it being a ballad, I could use the same customs that I used in my previous songs. And that's not all...Whilst recording a group singing David Guetta and Kid Cudi's terrible song Memories, I decided that the piano motif in that was very simple and I thought to myself "let's totally rip that off." So I did; I used 3 notes just like the bassline of Memories. That's one idea in the pipeline. Another idea is similar to Stop; a heavy grinding synthpop tune. And then there's the song I've had that's been called New One for a while. This was going to be a Delayed Finality song but never really got going. So maybe I could adapt it and create a new song altogether. But wait, there's more! I'm also planning on making a Trance rework of In the Hall of the Mountain King by Edvard Grieg. I like classical music, especially the really dark and brooding stuff. Except this is going to be my creation. I could then sell it to Alton Towers or something. And then there's a planned idea for me to remix one of Rowan's songs from his recent album. That's a few projects to keep me active. I've even got a name planned out. Don't laugh. Parallel Dimension Productions - ParaDime for short. So...what could be stopping me? Ah, yes.

As it stands I have 5 guitars and one keyboard. I am currently looking into buying a proper synthsizer to sit on top of my Yamaha; a Korg MicroKorg. And then I would need the various equipment to hook up my instruments to my laptop. And then I need the software. And then I need the laptop. I have a laptop. Well, it resembles a laptop. It's got a massive crack in the back of the screen and as a result, it doesn't stand up properly. I've had to put a pair of comical googly eyes on it to remind myself not to close it, otherwise it would die. 'C' doesn't like working and 'O' likes to jump out of the keyboard. There is no space on the disk drive. I only have 200-odd songs on here and few written documents. I have no idea what's clogging it up. I even had to delete some fabulous parks when I uninstalled Roller Coaster Tycoon 2. So, I'll need a new laptop. BUT, as with most of the things I've done/taken part in over the past 3/4 years, I've remained optimistic. So, when I get these sorted out, I'm going to see what I can offer the world! Who knows? I may become revolutionary. Or even evolutionary. I'm going to stand by my guns though. I'm going to see what I can do. For this is my epiphany - When something else doesn't go to plan or something gets in the way, stop, re-asses, see how it could be tackled or take a different route. You could surprise yourself. And here's another epiphany...That was a really tacky ending! Oh. My...

Rowan and Jimmi: Chippy Adventure

"The first adventure; an epic quest to buy some chips from the Chip Shop"

I thought it was time to release the weird and wonderful world of Rowan and Jimmi onto the Observation Blog but somewhat highly unfortunate YouTube and it's copyright laws or something wanted them taken off their site. What a swizzle! However, they're not going to stop me posting my brilliant posts. What I will do is link you directly to the *sleek and smart website that is blaktornado.com This is Rowan's playground. On it features his own videos, music, animation and of course Rowan and Jimmi. He has been mentioned a few times in some of my posts and now is your chance to see his face. I'm going to release a different adventure every month! It'll be something to look forward to until the end of the year. And, I'm going to add some production notes and trivia because I want to do my own version of IMDB. But not goofs because it's hard to know where they start and end...

* - Flattery gets you nowhere, kids!

Click here for part one of Chippy Adventure
Click here for part two of Chippy Adventure
Click here for part three of Chippy Adventure

Production Notes

• I had no idea what was going to happen. I originally thought it was going to be another one of Rowan's Vlog that wouldn't have been as long as this. 
• Rowan says the word 'brilliant' 16 times.
• The 'David...David...David Beckham' sequence is inspired by psychic mediums on a ghost hunt. We were in a haunted wood after all!
• The "...and here we see" sequence is inspired by David Attenborough. 
• The return bus ticket is dated 20 Dec 2007 - 07:59am and is ticket number 2510
• Rowan say's that it's Christmas a number of times throughout. It was filmed on the 21st of December which is Christmas, so he is correct. And it also meant it was bloody cold!
• Rowan did all of his own stunts. 
• This is very heavily inspired by The Blair Witch Project. In fact, some people also say that that due to the success of the Rowan and Jimmi series, it lead to the creation of Paranormal Activity!
• The sound of something metal hitting something else was actually me knocking off the street sign. I did my own vandalism. 
• I thought the end credits worked rather well with the Gremlins theme.
• We never actually see some chips. In fact, I don't recall buying chips!

The next adventure in the series is In The City