Welcome to the Observation Blog

This is The Observation Blog. It is the window on the internet into the world of me, Jimmi Cottam. From the bizarre and strange to the true and delightful, here lies stuff that goes on around me. And this is my chance to get my opinion out there because anyone can write a blog and put it up on the internet. You could say this is what I do when I get bored but in some ways...wait, yeah. It is. But seriously, what are you waiting for? Go ahead and have a goosey...I'm not stopping you from seeing the broad spectrum of what an "ordinary" person sees and goes through day in and day out. Have fun and enjoy!
Showing posts with label Technology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Technology. Show all posts

Monday, 11 February 2013

So I bought Dead Space

It's been a while since I've been on here (September 2011, apparently)! Me and my girlfriend Kat have started our own joint effort weblog project The Reviewinators, I made my first post to there and now I am uploading it to The Observation Blog! This is my encounter with Dead Space.


I will obviously keep spoilers to a minimum; we know how much we don’t like them.

Recently, I had been thinking about getting a first-person shooter for my PlayStation 3 as a means of verging away from just playing driving and racing games. I bought this up with Kat and she recommended that it could be a good idea, as long as I stayed away from any Call of Duty game. I thought this was understandable as I think I’d only get a Call of Duty game if I really had to and if it was insanely cheap. Going through lists of potential contenders, she mentioned that she watched someone else play Dead Space a few years ago. Although it is a third-person shooter rather than a first person shooter, it does have guns, explosions and action and so it ticks all the right boxes to be an enjoyable game. Seeing as Dead Space 3 has recently been released, I decided to look into it a little bit on Wikipedia before venturing out and what I read sounded alright. Browsing through the High Street chains that weren’t closing down, Kat and I looked to see if we could find anything that resembled a good shoot-em-up, but we weren’t initially looking for Dead Space. I browsed over the original Borderlands, Far Cry II and even F.E.A.R as they all seemed to be high on action but they seemed a bit out of my budget in the case of the first two or weren’t favoured well in reviews in F.E.A.R’s case. We carried on searching through the second hand shops until I came across, lo and behold, Dead Space for a bargain £5.99 in Chatham’s branch of Cash Converters. I asked more about it from Kat and she said it was terrifying. Not knowing whether this is because my girlfriend has a low tolerance for anything remotely scary, or that it was genuinely pants-wettingly horrific I was hesitant. So what was I to do? Go with what Kat says and miss out on potential bargain. Or spend the night awake reliving the terrors that she foretold me about? 

Bugger...!

We got back and rather than sliding the disc into the PS3 as soon as I possibly could, I thought I would look up a review or two. Gaming news and review website GameSpot gave it a rather high 9 out of 10 in 2008 and Metacritic has the PS3 version marked in the realms of 88 out of 100, which shows it must be a very good game. Reading over the GameSpot review, I started to feel the surge of fear and regret even more as I glanced through their article. Here are some quotes that stuck with me:

“something terrible has happened”

“preserving the horror experience”

“grunts of pain”

“feign death among the corpses of their peers to rise up and attack when you least expect it”

“Even more alarming than their ghastly appearances and uncouth manners is the fact that they are quite intelligent”

And, even more terrifyingly;
“it can continue trying to eat your face”

Oh dear. Never the less, I decided to see why it was rated so highly but was still adamant on playing a nice game like Flower or Eufloria. But no, Kat wasn’t having any of it. She wanted me to play this £6 blood-orgy to see what it was like and to see if it lived up to what she could remember. Or she wanted to see me soil myself and poke fun of me. Of course, it wasn’t until after we got it back from Chatham that she told me things tend to ‘jump out’ and that you have to ‘watch your back’ which made me feel a lot better about returning it and getting my money back. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for cheap scares. They are and can be genuinely funny. But the way she was describing it to me wasn’t coming across as funny. It coming across as terrifying. I had unwittingly bought a survival horror game…

So, I started the game and made a new profile for the save data. The first cut scene started and immediately the living daylights were pulled out of me by the vibration of the Dualshock resting on the case… Yeah, this wasn’t going to be my thing, I thought. To cut a long story relatively short, you play as Isaac Clarke, an engineer on-board a mining ship called the USG Ishimura. It receives a distress call from Concordance Extraction Corporation (CEC) and naturally, the crew of the Ishimura go to see what all the fuss is about on-board the recently crashed and seemingly abandoned USG Kellion that was dispatched by the CEC and malfunctioned as it came into dock on the Ishimura. Isaac space-suits up and he and the crew begin searching the wreck. This serves the tutorial level to get used to the controls, which are actually for a game of this calibre, very simple and there is a lot of help to get you started. For example, pressing R3 shows a navigational line to follow to the next objective which is very handy as there is no traditional head up display or map to follow. The map, inventory and useful tidbits of information are bought up as a hologram in front of Isaac. This also includes video and audio logs, computer screens and various interactive parts that you come across as you venture through the horror. This first bit was fine. It didn’t look like a survival horror game at all. It looked like a cross between Red Dwarf set in the same distant future of WipeOut. However, I was thinking why did we, of all people, have to go towards the distress call? Why didn’t we just fly past the world and go to a nice beachy moon that has two suns and many alien bartenders serving alien martinis? In fact, I would have rather bought Alien Bartenders, had it been a real game but Dead Space was the game I bought so I duly had to carry on.

After getting to grips with the controls, you eventually get onto looking at a computer screen in a small room to find out the status of the ship you have just boarded. When everything seems fine, a lock-down of the area happens. Orange lights begin to flash and you, as Isaac, cannot escape this room as the crew outside begin to panic. You can only look on in horror out of the windows as something drops out of the ceiling. Between the slow strobe of the warning beacon and the darkness, we see one of the crew being horribly eaten by a mutated, clawed thing as blood splatters onto the window whilst the rest of the crew start to open fire and run away. The only way out is through another door in the room, thus separating Isaac from the crew. This shook me up quite badly as I had no idea what was to come next. The flashing lights and the discordant music only added to the drama. As you run down the corridor, things only get worse. You were being followed by one of these things, that we have all come to know and love as Necromorphs which are the mutated remnants of the Kellion’s crew. Isaac takes a beating and manages to get into the safe haven of a lift. The doors shut out the Necromorph and all is calm until it tries to break in again and eat the soft squishy stuff in Isaacs head. This was really ‘new pants’ territory! I just knew it was going to happen… The Necromorph however is no match to the heavy lift doors and so as they slam shut, limbs fly all over the encloses space as blood rains all around. The lift opens up onto a new floor and even more disturbingly, a dead body. Learning that the Necromorphs can feign death and that things can pop out, the corpse made getting the first weapon, the Plasma Cutter, a whole lot more distressing. I unwittingly used all the ammo and Isaac’s right boot to make the corpse was actually dead. I’ll admit I was a bit confused as to what to do and at this point and I really wanted to stop playing this and put on a different game that wasn’t going to scare the bejesus out of me. The blood-curdling screams overheard in this room were not nice; to say the least and I had no idea how to get out. Luckily - after about six minutes of franticly looking around and panicking like a headless chicken, whilst have a small meltdown thinking that the guy in the corner was going to rear up and attempt to ingest me - the clue was right under my nose. The doors opened and, say it wasn’t so; another Necromorph was outside the door eating another dude’s face. And yes, he wanted seconds! Having no ammunition, I had to resort to using the R1 function to beat the living snot (or Necromorph equivalent to snot) out of the mutated-face eater with the Plasma Cutter. It eventually went down dropping ammo and credits, because, y’know, these were people once upon a time. And now they resemble something between a zombie and very hungry praying mantis.

It was horrible. But, you know what? It was very satisfying. It was gross. But it was brilliant. It is a bit of a gore-fest and if you don’t mind that then this game can be very addictive. The mechanic is actually pretty cool too. For example, the Necromorphs will not back down under a shot to the head or torso, as you would expect a zombie or a Nazi to. It requires you to dismember their limbs with the array of weapons at your disposal. They’re a bit unorthodox as guns when you think about it; however they do the job very well. As you progress, you can upgrade your weapons, armour – or RIG (Resource Integration Gear) - and inventory just as upgrades work in other video games. Credits can be used to buy more weapons, health packs, statis packs, oxygen refills and lots more items found in the store that will help fight through the waves of undead space zombies. You can also keep your items in the stores safe, leaving it for later when you may need it rather than clogging up your inventory, which after the amount of pickups you find, you will have to make room for. If you want to get rid of them altogether, you can sell them for credits to spend on better weapons or something that will come to be a better use.

There are a lot of useful abilities too that build up some interesting puzzles. The statis packs you encounter give you the chance to slow down time to either attack a Necromorph or get through jamming doors; kinesis lets you pick up objects to clear a path and gives you the capability of throwing them at the undeaded; zero-G lets you stick to surfaces and leap from one wall to another when gravity is taken out of the equation. And these can all be put together to create conundrums that leave you standing around thinking what to do but having to remember that you could be eaten at any moment. All the guns and weapons have a primary and secondary fire mode too. The Plasma Cutter can be fired either horizontally or vertically, depending on which Necromorph limb you want to slice off. The Line Gun fires a larger area burst of energy than the Plasma Cutter but can also deploy a mine that goes off after a few seconds. I found this out the hard way as the shiny blue object it fired out looked too enticing not to check out. Yep, cue an explosion and Isaac flying onto his back. Oxygen and statis can also be replenished at various stations dotted around the ship. Save points come thick and fast so you can always save your progress as you carry on. If you’re looking for one, there will be one around the corner and hopefully not being guarded by a Necromorph

It does make for a very interesting game. It is terrifying because you don’t know what is around next corner and the visual and sound add to a fantastic bone-chilling atmosphere which is stunning. Lights flicker on and off and walking around can trigger a quarantine lock down, which normally means something is going to happen. You normally see Necromorphs moving in the darkness but aren’t necessarily sure as to whether it is actually what you think it is or whether it is some poor chaps mutilated remains still twitching. Either way, they’re going to be either stomped on or de-limbed. Level two, however did not favour well with me. After going through the labyrinth of corridors, part of the mission required me to remove a blockade from the medical unit of the ship. Seeing as I don’t particularly like medical things, I thought this was right up my alley. Walking around, seeing remains of the people who looked like they were half way through surgery is very unnerving. There’s one section where you watch the Necromorph tear into someone and actually turn into one and another where you hear the heavy dull thud of something banging on metal only to discover it’s one of the demented crewmembers banging his noggin on a wall, only to watch him collapse in a pool of his own fluids as you get closer to him. It is a scary game without a doubt. But you can take it with a pinch of salt. It is actually rather funny if you allow it be, in much the same way a ghost train at a fair is funny. Quite a few times I would burst through doors, aiming in anticipation shouting ‘c’mon you mother-flipper! Let’s be avvin’ yer!’ and shrieking ‘ahhhhh, kill it with fire!’ as I blast a horrible scorpion like beast with the Pulse Rifle or Flame Thrower. The ragdoll physics are sometimes laughable too. As you walk over or continue to dismember the dead, the bodies normally leap around uncontrollably. It can be hilarious watching the dead Necromorph bouncing down the corridor but also discomforting because when you do it unintentionally you do think it’s still alive. And so you unleash your weapons full force on what is essentially nothing “wasting” valuable ammunition (I use the quotation marks because making sure the thing is dead is not wasting in my book). And when they do attack you when you let your guard down, boy do they go for it. The cinematic is gruesome but hammering ‘X’ can make you fight off the snarling creatures and drop kick them in a shower of blood and gore. I have only played about two hours through the story and I have gone from being tempted to take it back because I didn’t want the pleasure of knowing what happens next (I even went as far to say to Kat that I won’t be buying a game on her recommendation again) to changing my opinion entirely (and also retracting my statement). I have come to accept my fate. I am going to work my way through fighting these horrible things and hopefully I should emerge the other side a better person. Or white as sheet unable to close my eyes at night. And herein lies the problem; I see it getting much worse in the process. Well, Necromorphs… Let’s be avvin’ yer!

Oh, and another thing. If at all you do buy Dead Space, I can assure that it will be worth it especially if you can find it for £5.99 or less because it is a lot of game for not a lot of money. Amazon has it for about twelve quid currently, but I would recommend you look around Cash Converters, CeX or even at the pre-owned deals in GAME. GAME currently have it for about £8 pre-owned online and you can even download it off Steam currently for £9.99 if console gaming isn’t your thing. I urge you to play it because it is a quite a different gaming experience which, if you’re like me and seem to be only tied down to one genre, you will come to know it and even love it. It is no wonder then why it was rated so high and received countless awards and the atmosphere it creates is very immersive which makes it very reminiscent of sci-fi horror films like Alien or The Thing. The original has created some sort of a legacy and as a result Dead Space 3 has rocketed into the UK Gaming Charts at number one! However, if you do get scared by the sound and visuals (the sound was highly praised by critics) then follow this simple tip. Just turn the music volume down, turn on the subtitles and (even if you own it then try it anyway) play some cool Jazz in the background. I can tell you the experience I had it will be a lot better and more relaxing if you’re a bit faint hearted; it changes the situation of waiting for something to jump out at you into something almost bearable. Everything is a lot better when done to Jazz. Including killing space zombies! I might have to try that whilst playing Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. I’m petrified that even Jazz won’t do the Redead justice. Man, are they screwed up!
You can read the original GameSpot review here by clicking this handy link*
You can also read the original blog post on The Reviewinators here by clicking this equally handy link

*Links open in a new window

Monday, 30 August 2010

The Top 5 reasons why I want (or should that be 'need'?) a PlayStation 3

Gaming is a bit of a guilty conscience of mine. I don't spend many months of my life cocooned in my own bedroom trying to complete a game or blowing up Nazi's. I tend to go in and out of phases from time to time when I get bored and think 'oh, I haven't played this in a while, let's have a play.' As it currently stands, this household contains a PlayStation 2 and a Nintendo Wii (the former being my own). I do quite like to spend a fair amount of time on one game but not excessively. For example, I spent about 3 or 4 days playing Need For Speed: Carbon and got to the end. I was well chuffed. And again, I can spend forever on Time Trials on Gran Turismo 4 trying to beat my best time on a certain track. The Wii however, is a totally different experience. I tend not to be as competitive with that. It isn't taken too seriously. And since the Wii isn't technically mine, there isn't much on offer for me. Mario Kart is good but that's not really an adrenaline pump. I needed something with a bit more of a spicy flavour, so I did a bit of research into some games that the PlayStation 3 has to offer (I cannot stand the XBox360. XBox's are for the hardcore gamers aka NERDS) and I was somewhat in awe at what I saw. These are my 5 reasons for me to own a PlayStation 3, especially in this upcoming year...:

Grand Theft Auto IV
Grand Theft Auto has always been an old favourite. I was hooked when I first played Grand Theft Auto 3. And as I have grown up, so has the franchise. I know it's been out for a while but the fact remains - It's epic. The graphics have come a long way from the really shocking and appalling graphics of...er...San Andreas. San Andreas was good. Brilliant, in fact, but it was terrible how bad some things were. Trees would pop up of nowhere. People would be too blocky and the amount of glitches. Also, you could steal a fighter jet. You could fly around on a jet pack. That's good...to some extent. So when Rockstar went away and created 4 and re-created Liberty City, when I saw the results I was gobsmacked. Visually it was so clear. The cars had more realistic handling. Niko Bellic had a more realistic looking head and fingers whereas CJ just looked like a square balloon with a smiley face drawn on it. And webbed hands. Niko could also be thrown out of the car if he isn't wearing his seatbelt. Yet, the game still doesn't take itself too seriously despite being given this new century makeover. It's still got that underline smutty fun that's plagued games of the past. GTA is a dangerous series. It comes under a lot of scrutiny from people about the fact that you essentially have to go around stealing cars and shooting people to win the game. But the same theory applies to something like the Sim's when you phone out the firebrigade on a false alarm or on RollerCoaster Tycoon where you build a coaster and then purposely make it crash. If anyone has a ounce of common sense, they aren't going to recreate what they see in video games. So with GTA IV, don't do what Niko does. He's a computer based image and not real. He's just a vehicle to do what you can't do in real life. All with the added benefit of you not going to jail and stuff.

Gran Turismo 5
Gran Turismo 4 was, and I suppose, still is, for it's time, absolutely stunning. And it's a PS2 game. It's photorealistic and boasts a huge array of cars. Most of them being Japanese cars. The tracks are packed with colour and are bright and vibrant. All the cars are unique and each have different artificial physics. Fantastic. So why do I want Gran Turismo 5 if 4 is already all these good things? Well, the answer is simple really. 5 is more than 4. 5 is stated to have a bigger selection of cars (a rumoured 1,000 so I've heard) and more tracks. Ferrari and Lamborghini are lined up to be in GT5. . Grand Turismo have never had them two together in their games before. There is a 'driving from the seat' element too, adding more to the 'real driving simulator' feel that the series boldly states. And, if I read correctly on a GT5 forum, the almighty Bugatti Veyron will also be appearing on there too. There may not be any high classed British tracks on the list yet, like Silverstone or Donnington Park, but there is a London track and Dunsfold Park, famously the Top Gear Test track. Which only adds to the brilliance of this game. 4 was big. I've been playing it since forever and still haven't completed it. Chances are I will never complete it. If GT5 is going to be bigger then it looks like it's going to be a lot of fun trying to complete that. Especially with such big names that previously haven't appeared in the series.

Split/Second: Velocity
Since the utterly insane Burnout guys at Criterion haven't released a game since Burnout: Paradise, I found a game that is seems like just as much fun whilst we wait for a planned TBA Burnout. Split/Second is very similar to Burnout. I stumbled upon Split/Second in a newspaper article that said something about dropping things from helicopters to stop your opponents. I thought it sounded cool. Turns out, that when I watched the trailer, that's not all that happens. As one races around a track, they can trigger off certain parts to stop their rivals taking first place. For example...blowing up an airport control tower and send it plummeting into someone elses path. Or heck, blowing up the whole damn airport to stop the rest of them. It's like Burnout but on whole different level. High speed. Explosions. Car crashes. It's like it's been lifted right out of a Michael Bay film. The aim of this is very similar to Burnout. Try not to get in the way of things. In Burnout's case, it's other cars. In Split/Second's case, it's cars, buildings, cars, towers, helicopters, cars, and every-damned-thing. It's about having the reactions and pulling off the right moves, hence the name but it looks so good, I don't think I can hold the temptation much longer. Oh and there aren't licenced cars which means you don't feel bad for smashing them to kingdom-come. However, there is one game that does offer that "freedom" of smashing a car with a badge.
Blur
No, not the 90's Britpop band, but the game that looks like a cross between Mario Kart and Deathrace. On acid. Blur showcase's the real big names in the motoring industry. Ford; Lotus; Audi; and even Koenigsegg. Again. It is very similar to the Burnout games and indeed Split/Second. But, like I said, this is like Mario Kart. What you do is you pickup pickups and use them to (how do I put this simply?) stop the others winning. And there could very well be an explosive outcome. I was watching a gameplay trailer and cars fly through air when being hit by mines and bolts of electricity. It's insane. It looks very good but I'd still say it wasn't photorealistic, which in all honesty, I prefer on. It's a fantastic, arcadey arcade game. It looks highly playable. It doesn't look difficult at all. I mean, what's difficult about smashing and blowing up cars?
Test Drive Unlimited 2

I own Test Drive Unlimited on the PS2. I waited ages for it to be released and when it was, the PS2 version wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. It was a love/hate thing. I loved the cars and the fact that you could test drive them before buying them. I loved the fact that that the very real Hawaiian Island Oahu was entirely mapped out. It takes forever to get to one side of the island to the other. Brilliant when you have an Aston Martin V8 Vantage...Then there's the downside. It wasn't as good looking as the PC and 360 counterparts; it didn't feature Ferrari; and certain aspects were missing. However, TDU2 is a whole different game. It's still got the exotic cars and the exotic locations, but now there's more. It is claimed to have more cars like the new McLaren MP4-12C and the Aston Martin DBS and even offroad vehicles like the Audi Q7. It will feature a 24 hour day cycle and a weather system (which affects handling); and more routes. Because, not only is Oahu present in the game, but Ibiza too. That's two mapped out islands. How? You'll never have to go to either island ever if you own this. With the added benefit of being able to travel through them in a supercar. Yes, it's not the real thing but for less than 50 quid...what you pay for is rather spectacular.
I know the title says "5 reasons" but I think this deserves a mention...
Hmmm...Atari know how to make a good game. They've been doing it very well for a very long time. I read the other day that they are going to be releasing another game before the end of the year. A game series that, let's be frank, did what Grand Theft Auto did, a whole lot earlier. I am talking about, of course, Driver: San Francisco.


Atari and Rockstar really don't like each other. But this game is head and shoulders above GTA. Not only because it was the original sandbox 'drive were you want' game, but now this has done something Grand Theft Auto could only dream of. Fully damageable, licensed cars in a sandbox environment. And it doesn't stop there. Unfortunately, we can't let Tanner get out of the car. What he does is he shifts from car to car which means he doesn't steal them and that makes not only better than GTA but cleaner fun! It teaches kids not to steal. Wonderful! They've also reverted back to the Old Skool type of game they had originally with a classic location (San Fran') and the classic style of game. There's a lot of chases through alleyways packed with cardboard boxes. It's like a 1970's cop film. Tanner has now hung up the keys to his 'copycat' Ford Mustang and now has a very sleek and very realistic Dodge Challenger. And that's all cool by me! Rockstar...beware!

Wednesday, 26 August 2009

Gadgets

The wonders that have grabbed hold of the world that you can get today is truly outstanding. Not a day goes by when I don't wonder how better my life would be without a Margaret Thatcher Nut Cracker or the aptly named Nothing. But, without their doubts, gadgets bring the world of science and understanding to you at a price, and they bring with them hours of entertainment and boasting. As in "I got a Lightsaber Brolly, be jealous and bow down in awe...". Many gadgets are tech brilliance, especially for those who never really grow up. I mean, who wouldn't want a radio controlled Apache helicopter? Or better still a USB missile launcher to fire missiles from their office desktop? There is an endless list to all the items that I (and then, no doubts you) could possibly dream of. It's also a lot of stuff that I'm not going list here otherwise it'll look like I'm plugging iwantoneofthose.com (which is a wonderful website, go look). Gadgets range from the 'make life easier' to the 'outrageously silly' and all that in between. I praise the items that give such joy. There was once a shop in a local shopping centre where I live, called The Globe - which has been replaced with a fake jewelry shop, which is somehow going to make my life better (?) - that sold all sorts of useless stuff. From plasma globes, fibre optic lights and police beacons to radio controlled Daleks, bubble machines and yapping toy dogs that performs backflips (just like real life then). It was always worth a visit, when it was there. I realised, in a nutshell, they're just there to give your life that lil' bit of zing. And they are, of course, highly uncivilised. Which is a nice cue to move me onto civilised gadgets. The big boys of the tech industry. I'm talking about the stuff only science fiction could only have dreamed of 30 or 40 years ago.

Phones, computers, laptops all spring to mind. And then there's the everyday items such as TV's, radio's, games consoles and related paraphernalia like sound systems. Again, the list is endless. Let's start with a main consumer. Apple. Apple have gained a lot of respect in the gadget world, and with me, with their high powered computers, iMac's; their smaller lap-based offspring, MacBooks (with the impossibly thin, MacBook Air); sleek iPods; the even more sleeker iPod Touch, to name some of their most famous innovations. And out of them, there is one that can't seem to understand and that's the iPhone. Not hate, I don't NOT like it, I think it's rather clever and highly advanced for a phone with the amount of applications and wizardry like the accelerometers to turn the screen when you hold the device in whatever way, but it's the claims that's given out. In a recent UK advert, it shows the iPhone (3GS) amazingly shooting video. It then shows that it can miraculously edit and trim said video and send it to someone. Now, I have a Sony Ericsson K800i, which isn't a Smartphone, but can do what the iPhone does so easily. And the K800i is a big block 'candy bar' phone that's almost 3 years old and it isn't even a rival competitor, nor does it have the processing power of the International Space Station which the iPhone does, which I suppose is where the Apple brings it back. But, whoa, all is not in the clear yet! The iPhone, as with other Apple products, encounter another hurdle and that's the expense. On contract, under O2 for two years, the iPhone will set you back nothing for the handset, but £74 a month! Do the maths, that's in excess £1,776 a year (Based on the best you can get). If you saved that up, you could buy the International Space Station. There is a cheaper option, of course, which is to buy the handset. £538.30 (32GB). One of the iPhone's main rival's, the Nokia's N97, is cheaper and more likely a better deal. £40 a month for 32GB, a better camera and a QWERTY keyboard (from Vodafone). Or you could go cheaper still and get a K800i and spend the money you save on better things like the Poptastic bubble wrap-Sim keyring. I'd rather have a big manly phone with a lot of buttons (men like buttons). Not for a moment am I knocking Apple, they make wonderfully crafted pieces of tech but the prices can be sky high and you can only afford them if you can be patient enough to save up. Which I am not.

Now Apples main computer competitors are the ever trouble Microsoft. And Microsoft and their operating system Windows, are without a doubt, utterly useless. They're slow, they get infected and they're not made for fun. It's the computer equivalent of becoming old. But it'll have to do until I can afford a MacBook. There's a lot not to like about them. I don't like the way it doesn't respond and I don't like the way it wants to send error reports to nowhere. But I do like that I can play Roller Coaster Tycoon 2 with ease. These computers are work horses, not objects of desires. So what did Microsoft do? They made a games console...

As I type, Earth currently has the Xbox 360, the Playstation 3 and the Nintendo Wii. These are the 3rd modern generation consoles to date all of which derived from the Nintendo N64, Playstation, Playstation 2, Xbox and Gamecube, and upto the modern day Xbox 360, Playstation 3 and Nintendo Wii, respectively. Games consoles have been an escape from reality and into a new realm of digital vastness. And they have advanced as years have gone on. "Back in the day" of Pac-man and Space Invaders, it gave you the experience of running amok eating ghosts or dealing with aliens and this sort of thing took the world by storm. Now-a-days, you can do almost anything! You can shoot Nazi's in World War Two in Call of Duty; You can race Ferrari's through London in Gran Turismo 5 and you can even beat Tim Henman at tennis (albeit, not that difficult) in Virtua Tennis 2009. The sheer amount of what you can do is unlimited within the gaming world. It's hard to imagine where game makers get their ideas from, unless you work for Grand Theft Auto in which case, if it's not broken, don't fix it because it's basically the same, game in game out and they've pretty much cracked that because it's one of my and proven, the worlds most popular gaming titles. It's brilliant. Gaming has opened up what is a new release on life. The media then has to get in the way by claiming that games like Burnout glamorise car crashes, but I fail to see the glory of going out and becoming a part of twisted metal. It's not justified. These consoles and games have sold in record numbers over the past years and they can still deliver. Whats more, these are essentially toys with enough processing power of more than the International Space Station. Take that Apple! The PS3 comes with a 30GB hard drive. My Acer TravelMate doesn't have that much. Well at least it doesn't now, now that it's all full of music and whatnot. Both the 360 and PS3 together are just as powerful as each other, boasting high quality graphics, much more power and overall just better than what we had before. You would expect that this would leave Nintendo, which had a bit of a downfall after the GameCube wasn't as successful as it's competitors, to be left in the dark. Yet, this story is the other way around. Out of the three, the Wii is more successful than both the Sony and Microsoft machines. Which just goes to show. You don't need High-Def picture quality or realistic graphics. What you need is playability and that's what the Wii gives because it let's you, your mum, your grandparents and anyone else who would never really think twice about playing on a console, to play on this outstanding piece of kit. It also because it's more user friendly. No doubt the majority of Xbox' and PS3's are in a bedroom being played by only one person physically there (notice I said physically there. Just because you're playing online against some American doesn't mean you're not playing by yourself. You're isolated in digitals, or whatever the term is). So, not only does the Wii beat it's rivals, it absolutely trounces them! And it doesn't end there. There is a current battle with the handheld market with the DS and the PSP. The Sony PSP is so much more powerful, but the innovation with the DS dual screens and voice, touch and with the DSi built in camera compatibility, these two couldn't be any different. It's a good battle as Sony are up against handheld lords Nintendo, famous for the Gameboys. It could start to get interesting...

Mobile phone? Check. Console? Check. What next? What you need next is a telly. And a whole new barrel of fish fingers. HD being the fishiest. High-Definition TV is now very popular but I don't see the reason why. Sure it give crystal clear pictures but when you're sitting on your sofa, does it really matter? HD TV is a good thing yes, but no one watches TV up against the screen. HD is really meant for watching blockbuster movies on, I think, to give you a cinema experience in your own home. Not really to show Bruce Forsyth's face in all it's clarity. And to go with your TV, you're going to need surround sound to capture the home cinema experience even more. All you need is the popcorn dispenser and people walking in front of you to go to the toilet and you're practically there. Now in the 21st Century, there's DVD and Blu-ray, to make it that little bit better for you. Radio has even been given a cool, futuristic makeover. The way forward is to destroy all transmitters and get everyone to go digital, as the same with TV channels. Go go gadget, ultimo-recorder (with Sky + and Virgin Media) which does what the VHS video recorder - or the BetaMax to all you retro lovers - could do but better as it records, pauses and rewinds live TV all without the dreaded tape which has since died out. It looks like DVD really has killed the video star as the song states, if it were to be updated...

So you've got your flash phone - to call; text; play music; play games; take pictures; film; surf the web; send you're pictures, music, films wirelessly via blutooth; you've got your games console - to submerge your everyday fantasy of smashing up cars and blowing up buildings; and you've got your massive 500 billion (beating around the point) inch TV to watch Eastenders on in the best quality and make it sound like a Michael Bay epic. Yes it does cost but at this day and age, if you don't pay that lump sum and say 'wait until it comes down in price,' then there's going to be something else that's a lot better when you do eventually buy it. And you'll be kicking yourself for it. The flip side to that is buy the cheaper stuff. Example: Instead of buying a top of the range phone, get a phone that performs just as well as a phone and use the money you've saved to buy a camcorder to film on, a camera to take pictures and a laptop to put it all together. But where does that leave you? Well, you go onto iwantoneofthose.com and you buy what you like the look of, be it a chain wine bottle holder to impress your party guests, or a Nerf Havok Fire Automatic Blaster (or as I call it, Insane but Impressive, and that's just the name of the thing) to shoot whatever moves. That's what all these things are. Toys. Like I said earlier, you never really grow up, you just want to show off what you can afford and that'll give you a broad smile on your face in knowing you can afford such a thing and that you own it!