The Happy and Delightful World of Wormrot

Yesterday, I was in town with my good pal Rowan. During our wander, we decided to have a look in HMV - y'know, just to see what they had to offer. As we made our way around we decided to play a little game; Who can find the most ridiculous sounding band/artist name. Puddle of Mudd; Fountains of Wayne and The Jonas Brothers were all contenders for the most ridiculous sounding names. And then we got to the metal bands and we had to start all over again...
Metal is good. I have no problems with the more melodic metal and stuff that you can really bang your floppy hair to. Within the scale of rock, metal is a guilty pleasure. You wouldn't play it over the front room CD player as ambient music at a social gathering, but you wouldn't mind listen to Killing in the Name Of by Rage Against the Machine in the comfort of your own bedroom. But what of these silly sounding names? Well, sit back and I'll show...

Looking at what metal bands there were, we had to change the rules to who could find the most dignified sounding track title. A track that wouldn't look out of place on a pop album. It was a tricky job but there were a few but that was nothing compared to how many track names we found that were literally awesomely ridiculous. Take for example, Wormrot. Wormrot (20 points already for silly name) are a Deathcore, Thrash metal, grindcore, thingy band from Singapore. They released an album called Abuse which is a pretty cool name for a metal album. And that's as far as it goes. Abuse features a massive 23 songs. 23 songs! There should be a rule of thumb with albums. No less than 11, no more than 14. But Wormrot don't play by the rules. So they put 23 songs on Abuse, which are as follows...(Warning: Asterisks * are going to be used to hide some letters. Your brain will hopefully fill in them missing letters so I don't have to)

1. Lost Swines - Presumably a song about a farmer who left his farm gate open and his pigs got out and he couldn't find them anywhere
2. Exterminate - Presumably a song about the Daleks from Dr. Who
3. Double Feeding - Because only feeding one is one less, especially when there are two
4. Born Stupid - See what I mean with the sillyness?
5. Sledgehammer - Maybe this is a cover of the Peter Gabriel hit of the 80's
6. So Fierce for F*ck - Do I have to explain?
7. DisAppointing - This title is (If you say that with a bit of a high pitched growl, you sound like Yoda)
8. Good Times - It wouldn't look out of place on a Will Young album or whatever. I'm guessing this is probably the happiest song on the album...
9. Freedom to Act - Not unless you're a drama student
10. Indonesia - A song about the popular country
(I'm already losing the will...but I shall carry on)
11. Sh*tlack - A song about constipation?
12. Condemnation - Again, sounds quite liable as a metal song name
13. One Round Away - A possible song about drinking before one has to go home
14. F*ck...I'm Drunk - Ahh, spoke too late there
15. Operation Grindcore - Operation Aweful
16. Rich - A song about not being poor. It looks like Wormrot are dreaming of the day this will happen, hence the song.
17. Overgrown Asshole - Erm...yes
18. Blasphemy My Ass - It sounds like a 1930's figure of bemusement. "Blasphemy? My bottom is it!"
19. Fix Your Broken Mind - If you listen to this, it's not hard to see why their mind may be broken
20. Newkiller Nuclear - Oh a pun! That's funny. Or, someone doesn't know how to work the delete key
21. Uncovered and Proud as F*ck - Someone is really pleased with the unveiling of that new plaque
22. Murder - Is wrong...totally and utterly wrong
23. Scum Infestation and Last Song - Infested with scum? Like soap scum? In the bathroom? And if you didn't know that this was the last song, then Wormrot kindly tell you that it is in fact the last song.

23 songs. All of which feature the same thing. Heavily distorted guitars; screaming; drums; and most importantly of all, more screaming. No bass? No scary sounding organs? Just guitars screaming and drums. You start to feel sorry for Wormrot with their song names; thinking that they were written by an 11 year old. But you listen to one of their songs and you suddenly realise 'my god, they ARE 11 year olds!' And altogether, an albums worth is only 21 minutes worth of noise. Because, I'm guessing, 10 minutes longer would give you more than enough time to realise you wasted a tenner! Hat's off to them. Their drums are in time and their guitars are in tune (I think), but with each song being about 20 seconds long and the next one just around the corner, it's hard to see how this couldn't be a hit!

Considering this is only the single disc album, they also sell a double disc which pushes boundaries even further with songs like Propagrinda, Wall of Sh*t and (brace yourself here) Power and Terror Maximator. The latter 2 are crying out loud funny! Power and Terror Maximator sounds like a low budget action film whereas Wall of Sh*t is highly questionable. Why? What mind bending substance were Wormrot on when they thought that was a good name?
If you're ever in the need of a laugh whether a pet has died or you lost £10 on buying a 21 minute album, go to HMV and look in the metal section and read away to your hearts content. If you aren't rolling around on the floor in your own tears, you must have something wrong with you.

(I'm going to carry on this hunt for silly names in the music industry, so keep an eye out)