Lo and behold, another post thanks to the generosity of Facebook like website, Megalikes.net. Last time I questioned human intelligence with the sob story of the guy who wasn't blind, who gave his eyes to a girl who was blind just to marry her. She said no and now he's blind forever! However, I found this one that questions this fact even more! I always thought Facebook was the MySpace for the generation of people who outgrew MySpace with it's bulletin notifications and other things I forget. It was the chance to avoid it. But that trend just packed their bags and moved to Zuckerbergs network like the internet gypsies they are. This made me laugh though:
HOW TO MAKE YOUR PARENTS THINK YOU'RE INSANE
Follow them around the house everywhere
Moo when they say your name
Run into walls
Say that wearing clothes is against your religion
Jump off the roof, trying to fly
Hold their hand and whisper to them, I see dead people
At everything they say yell, Liar
Stand over them at four in the morning with a huge grin on your face and say, good morning sunshine
Wear a sticker that says, "I'm a retard"
Try to swim in the floor
Might I add that it made me laugh for the wrong reasons.
Firstly, doing them things will not only make your parent's think you are insane, it'll also make the insane think you're just trying too hard. As far as instructions go, these are pretty bold in their claims. It will indeed lead them to believe you are going mad but which of these shows insanity? Let's have a look at some of them.
Follow them around the house everywhere - Sure, you may do that if you are a toddler who doesn't want their mum or dad to be out of sight because to them it's comforting, knowing they have a protector in distance incase something they think something like a goblin is about to jump out of the cupboard or a shark is going to eat you. Toddlers are very deceptible like that and so it's natural. It doesn't mean to say they're insane though. If you do it, for example, whilst out and about, it may just look like you need your parents 24/7. In which case other people will think you're not going mad, but don't want be left alone. It'll make your friends think you're insane, not your parents.
Moo when they say your name - Very hard not to think you're going mad especially when you are actually a calf. It's just their way of saying "yes" I suppose. It isn't mad cow disease. Again, you'll get odd looks from people but don't expect them to sit next to you on the bus.
Run into walls - Back to the blind story again ergo not mad. Running into walls may be funny if it was on YouTube but it really hurts and not something you'd like to bring up whilst in hospital. "So how did you break you nose, exactly?"
"I ran into the wall."
"And why did you do that?"
"To prove to my parent's that I'm insane..."
"And are you insane?"
"No, I'm just trying to make my parent's think I am"
At this point, you will be thrown out of the hospital and maybe arrested for foolishness.
Say that wearing clothes is against your religion - This is not a case of insanity. It is in face a case of belief. If your religion says this and this is what you believe, it does not automatically give you the IQ of a lettuce. On the flip side, naturists are constantly walking around in the buff. It doesn't mean to say that they are part of some sort of mad cult from the future.
Where a sticker that says "I'm a retard" - Unless you want to get more odd looks from your fellow members of the people race, I suggest doing something with a bit more pizazz. This is just lazy. It's to the point but it's just a sticker at the end of the day. Not even the medically insane where a sticker with that on. So why should you?
Stand over them at four in the morning with a huge grin on your face and say, "good morning sunshine" - Like running into walls, this won't do your face any favours either. People react differently to shocks. Some back away others don't. Your parents know you better than anyone else but their brain might not and so they may just see this grinning weirdo hanging over them and try and punch them away. At which point they're going to ask why you're doing it and you're going to reply "to make you think I'm insane." Another resulting blow to the head is then inevitable.
Alternatively, you could change a few things to that list to make it more applicable. For example, don't moo when your name is called, just rock back and forth uncontrollably. Again, don't run into walls, run into a lake. Don't try to swim in the floor, merely swim ON the floor. You don't need to try to fly because you know you will. And don't just call people liars. It's probably not true. Just say "I've taken the context of what you have said into consideration and have come up with an indefinite and reliable answer and I suggest you think about it...did you get how Lost ended?" Besides, you're bound to get someone who'd like to abuse the fact they keep calling you a liar ("He doesn't like being beaten up." "LIAR!") And don't say you see dead people because although no one will believe, they'd just think you're quoting The Sixth Sense.
Facebook audience who liked it, I'm aiming this squarely at you!
Showing posts with label The Funny Side of.... Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Funny Side of.... Show all posts
Thursday, 7 April 2011
Thursday, 31 March 2011
A "what do you do in this instance?" moment brought to you by Megalikes.net
You know the deal with Facebook and liking things, right? I'm hoping you do, for the sake of this piece. In theory, one shouldn't be picking things he finds off the internet to bits and analyse them for the sake of a pokey blog post. But this is the Observation Blog, so tough.
I have read some crazy bum shizzly in my 19 year existence but this takes the realms of human intelligence to whole new level. It's absurd, especially when almost 25,000 people like it. But which part do they like? The sob story or the jilt story? I didn't know whether to cry with sadness or laughter. Take a read of this and see where my point is:
There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she could see everything, including her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend asked her, "now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend was blind too, and refused to marry him.
Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying..... "Just take care of my eyes dear." i'll always love you forever..
That was lifted straight from Megalikes.net. It is what appears to be a story that tugs at the heartstrings. A blind girl gets the chance to see the world thanks to her significant other with the added benefit that both of them will get married. Trouble is, the guy gave her his eyes so she could see and then she changed her mind. All in days work for the internet. You don't even have to be scientist to prove that this is ridiculous. Okay, maybe you do. I mean, there has got to be something to do with the donor being compatible with the donee. You can't just go putting parts of your anatomy willy-nilly into other people (oi!). For one, the body may reject it and so on. And on an even more serious note, you can't donate eyes! They're implanted into the brain and set into the skull. He's going to have to have the front of his face pulled off, just to get his eyes out. Seems like a lot of palaver just to get someone to marry them. Talk about desperate. The cornea on the other hand...but it doesn't say that!
Here's another thing; if the girl said she would marry him and then said no, she's getting something for nothing. Like it was just a ply just to gain some eyesight. It leaves the guy of the story blind. She now sees that this guy is also blind. It's all happened very quickly. I can only assume that this guy has already got his dark glasses and guide dog without failing to notice that his eyes have been physically pulled out of his brain like the weeds in your front lawn. More to the point, are we thinking that the girl has been blind her entire life? Because if that was the case, how would she know what the note said. She wouldn't be able to ask anyone what it says because she didn't like anyone.
And why did she refuse to marry him? A bit shallow isn't it? Just because one part of that person doesn't work properly, doesn't mean to say the rest of it is broken. His hearing and touch will adapt to be brilliant. All the while, she has to adjust to working something that she's never had to before. If you've seen the film At First Sight you'd know what dangers this girl would have to put up with. The character Val Kilmer plays in it falls for a woman who he massages. She pays for him to have eye surgery so he can see her. It doesn't go well and he finds it hard to adjust and I think he gets violent. I went to bed at this point and don't know how it ended. I'm not guessing well. It wasn't exactly Top Secret to start with anyway. And that's what's going to happen to her! She's going to get violent and then turn off.
Can I say "more to the point?" again? Well, yes. Can you cry if you're eyes have been taken out of your head? And how can you write a letter without sight? Have you ever written something with your eyes closed? It's really difficult, you don't know if you're writing on a straight line or keeping equal spacing with your letters. It may just end up a jumbled mess. Like Wayne Rooney has tried to write his own name. Faces on the other hand are much funnier with closed eyes.
even with )bad) touch tyoe skills like my own, you still get soem mistkeas.
Sorry. Even with touch type skills, like my own, you still get mistakes. So yes, heart-tugging story with a terrible out come. It seems the moral of it really is "it's better to rip someone's face off and have their eyes and hate everyone" The End
I have read some crazy bum shizzly in my 19 year existence but this takes the realms of human intelligence to whole new level. It's absurd, especially when almost 25,000 people like it. But which part do they like? The sob story or the jilt story? I didn't know whether to cry with sadness or laughter. Take a read of this and see where my point is:
There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she could see everything, including her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend asked her, "now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend was blind too, and refused to marry him.
Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying..... "Just take care of my eyes dear." i'll always love you forever..
That was lifted straight from Megalikes.net. It is what appears to be a story that tugs at the heartstrings. A blind girl gets the chance to see the world thanks to her significant other with the added benefit that both of them will get married. Trouble is, the guy gave her his eyes so she could see and then she changed her mind. All in days work for the internet. You don't even have to be scientist to prove that this is ridiculous. Okay, maybe you do. I mean, there has got to be something to do with the donor being compatible with the donee. You can't just go putting parts of your anatomy willy-nilly into other people (oi!). For one, the body may reject it and so on. And on an even more serious note, you can't donate eyes! They're implanted into the brain and set into the skull. He's going to have to have the front of his face pulled off, just to get his eyes out. Seems like a lot of palaver just to get someone to marry them. Talk about desperate. The cornea on the other hand...but it doesn't say that!
Here's another thing; if the girl said she would marry him and then said no, she's getting something for nothing. Like it was just a ply just to gain some eyesight. It leaves the guy of the story blind. She now sees that this guy is also blind. It's all happened very quickly. I can only assume that this guy has already got his dark glasses and guide dog without failing to notice that his eyes have been physically pulled out of his brain like the weeds in your front lawn. More to the point, are we thinking that the girl has been blind her entire life? Because if that was the case, how would she know what the note said. She wouldn't be able to ask anyone what it says because she didn't like anyone.
And why did she refuse to marry him? A bit shallow isn't it? Just because one part of that person doesn't work properly, doesn't mean to say the rest of it is broken. His hearing and touch will adapt to be brilliant. All the while, she has to adjust to working something that she's never had to before. If you've seen the film At First Sight you'd know what dangers this girl would have to put up with. The character Val Kilmer plays in it falls for a woman who he massages. She pays for him to have eye surgery so he can see her. It doesn't go well and he finds it hard to adjust and I think he gets violent. I went to bed at this point and don't know how it ended. I'm not guessing well. It wasn't exactly Top Secret to start with anyway. And that's what's going to happen to her! She's going to get violent and then turn off.
Can I say "more to the point?" again? Well, yes. Can you cry if you're eyes have been taken out of your head? And how can you write a letter without sight? Have you ever written something with your eyes closed? It's really difficult, you don't know if you're writing on a straight line or keeping equal spacing with your letters. It may just end up a jumbled mess. Like Wayne Rooney has tried to write his own name. Faces on the other hand are much funnier with closed eyes.
even with )bad) touch tyoe skills like my own, you still get soem mistkeas.
Sorry. Even with touch type skills, like my own, you still get mistakes. So yes, heart-tugging story with a terrible out come. It seems the moral of it really is "it's better to rip someone's face off and have their eyes and hate everyone" The End
Saturday, 28 August 2010
Why I Don't Like 'Indie' Anymore
"I love Indie. No. I used to. Now I hate Indie. Indie is now what I don't like. Indie is horrible. Bluergh!"
That's how I feel about what is branded "Indie" in today's age. 2010. And Jimmi don't like. Yes, other people like but I sure don't. I don't like what it's become. It's not refreshing. It's not clean. It's not anything.
I remember back in a time of 5 or 6 years ago when Indie was thriving. It was Independent Rock that caught me. Indie now feels more like Indie Pop. Indie rock was awesome. We had Franz Ferdinand, The Killers, Kaiser Chiefs, The Fratellis, Snow Patrol, Kasabian and Kings of Leon to name but a few. Now as of 2010, we can see that most, if not all of the bands, have changed their formula (except for The Fratellis, who are no longer with us). These bands are nothing like the ones we have today. They have the eccentric frontmen, pounding distorted guitars, clever, thought-provoking and poetic lyrics - It really is an art form. A canvas oil-painting of a French Riviera or Mediterranean sunset. Something anyone could enjoy just a little bit. Now, Indie is exactly that, but painted with only one colour. Grey. It's still the same quirky 3 and half minute tune but it's boring. It's lacking depth. No wonder Kaiser Chiefs and The Killers use these big anthemic synths and Snow Patrol have the singalongability (yes, I just made up a word). You do get the bands that delve into the Rock and pop like Florence and the Machine but that's pop. That's fully acceptable. And then Franz Ferdinand who describe themselves as 'Dirty Pop' have hard driven guitars, grinding synth stabs and these liquidy basslines. And then you go mad half way through a song with an acid trance solo, which is exactly what they did with Lucid Dreams from Tonight: Franz Ferdinand.
And what of today? Listed next are some bands that have been getting airplay for the past year or so. I don't see why...Starting off with The Drums.
The Drums are an Indie outfit from New York. They have a lead singer, a guitarist, a bassist and a drummer. And that's it. No lead guitarist. No synths. No extra instruments. "Ah, but you don't need all them instruments, do you? Look at Muse. There's only 3 of them and they cover them basis." Yes, that is correct. But Muse have this massive sound. And they do delve into other areas of the spectrum. The Drums are just weedy. Clean guitars, tiny drumkits and a lead singer who looks like a reject from the 80's. As for their songs, you can't really do much with it, just listen and think "well that's another 3 minutes of silence I'll never have again." "I want to go surfing" they boldly claim in their song Let's Go Surfing. Starting with whistling and, wait, is that even a bass guitar? Why is it not pounding my eardrums? And as soon as another member of the band joined the lead singer guy, Jonathan Pierce (Not to be confused with the shouty Robot Wars commentator Jonathan Pearce, although it easy to see why you would be confused. They have nearly the same name), I immediately stopped the video because it got boring and switched my attention to Best Friend. No, not my best friend, their song Best Friend. Have a listen...
Some people call that a music video. I don't know what it is. And the dancing! Our old washing machine, which decided to become possessed by the devil and try to escape when it broke, moved out of the cupboard it's housed in with more grace. There isn't any artistic flair. There's nothing funky that catches your eye. At least paint the walls. Put a curtain up! Heck, save on that and just hang a picture on the wall. And then...All hell breaks loose! For The Drums decide to better whatever they've been doing the past 2 and a bit minutes by...putting the stuff away! The band then just leave poor Jonathan by himself, dancing. I've seen people dancing by themselves and it's not a good sight. Especially when they don't know they look like a fool. And then there's the endless amount of credits at the end. How many people do you need to shoot 3 and a-half minutes of one shot consisting of putting away your instruments and some dad dancing? At the most, 1. 1 guy can press play on the tape player, record, make tea, edit and publish. Not ten bazillion! And 1 guy can also put the gain up on the amplifier. Give it more drive!
And don't even get me started on Vampire Weekend...
Sounds like a couple of girly nights in watching Twilight. Ergo, not a very good one. Vampire Weekend reside in New York. You may have heard a Vampire Weekend song. A-punk goes Eh-eh-eh-eh.
Maybe I should have stressed that it's more like Ay-ay-ay-ay. Hence the name, probably. Not just, 'a punk'. It's more up-beat than The Drums song. By up-beat, I do of course mean you could put a more dignified movement to it. Punching the air on the ay's. And that's as far as it goes. Many of their songs have these really quick repeated riffs that are only 2 seconds long but take the rest of the afternoon to think "what was that all about?" Okay, so what abouts their latest offering, huh? Well, a song that I've heard being played a lot on Radio One is White Sky. White Sky gets off to a promising start. There's some synth in there. There's the guitar. Tick them boxes! But then...everything changes for the...erm...chorus, I think it's supposed to be; to quote line one.
"Ayyyoooo, ayyyi-a-ooooo, ayyyooooo, oooooooh-oooh"
What? Erm...yes. Definitely a chorus in structural terms but what sounds like the noise you make when you've had all your teeth pulled out with a pair of industrial pliers by a blind man. Check it out. 1:06 in the brilliantly choreographed video.
I assume they don't have an official video yet. I only wanted it for the track. So could you believe my luck when I found dancing sumo's? It's in time and everything. That's brilliant. Oh, back onto the song...It started off so well and then there's this whining. Are they even lyrics? It sounds like pain. It is pain. To me. Hat's off to them though, they used a synthesizer. And pan pipes in A-punk. Wait...Pan pipes? Sounds a bit folky to me...
Oh no...
Not that, anything but that...
Folk...
Indie Folk...
I am of course referring to Mumford & Sons, who are British! Horray! But they are a Folk band. Boo! Folk originates from before the 13th Century. Music comes in and out of waves, but there must have been a reason why it took a very long time to get to become popular 2010. 600 years to be more precise. It's all about maidens and valleys and other things from the 1400's. We don't have maidens any more. We have women. We don't have valleys anymore. It's easier to call it a hill. Mumford use guitars, drums and keyboards, all acceptable in today's standards. Then there's an accordion. The most famous thing an accordion has done was the theme tune to 'Allo 'Allo and become a handy tool for the French busker. Mandolins, Dobro's (steel resonator guitars), doublebass and banjos are all used. Whistle for the Choir by The Fratellis used a Mandolin in the solo and Travis used a banjo in Sing. Perfect for one offs. Not if you sound like a removal company. Moving on, I've had enough of Mumford & Sons. I'm not even finding a video of dancing sumo's to accompany this bit of text. It's not worth it.
Deezal Dwee? Dweezal Dee? Dweezal Dwee? Denzil Dwee? Oh...no. Darwin Deez. The opening to Constellation by however many are in the band, cleverly starts with 'Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are?'
PLAGIARISM! Somebody tell Mozart!
Looking through my research, I've noticed one thing. The bands that I mentioned at the very beggining. Franz Ferdinand, Kaiser Chiefs, Kasabian, etc. all have on thing in common. They're all British. Apart from The Killers. They're from Las Vegas but they seem to be more popular over here. The same with Kings of Leon. Vampire Weekend are from America. The Drums are from America. Deisel Dweezal is/are from America. Mumford & Sons are from the past. It's America! America are taking our formula and trying to make it better. It hasn't worked. Sorry, America, but you can't do Indie like the Brits. We invented it after all. Independent rock started out from Britpop. You can't get any more British than Britpop. Whenever I've heard these on the radio without paying much attention to the announcement before the track, I would have thought the American bands sounded British. I looked into it more and found out that it's not our problem. But there is one band that I wish was ours. They are American. And they aren't too bad. Ladies and Gentlemen, White Rabbits with Percussion Gun...
And why do I find it good? They use pounding drums - Albeit they're only two floor toms but they work - distorted guitar, a melodic bass, upright piano and solid singing. It goes to show that they can do it without sounding weedy or looking geeky. More of this stuff please, America...because this is one of the songs that'll make 2010 memorable.
But, it does also go to show that with these selection of tunes, 2010 isn't for guitar based bands anymore. Guitar bands are going out of phase for now. Synth and pop are being revived. Which is why the top songs of this year for me are mostly pop songs. Guitars have been thriving for a good part of 10 years. Now I think it's time for them to subtly hang in the background and look cool. Unless they have something big and outrageous accompanying them. In which case they can stay at the front and yell about it!
That's how I feel about what is branded "Indie" in today's age. 2010. And Jimmi don't like. Yes, other people like but I sure don't. I don't like what it's become. It's not refreshing. It's not clean. It's not anything.
I remember back in a time of 5 or 6 years ago when Indie was thriving. It was Independent Rock that caught me. Indie now feels more like Indie Pop. Indie rock was awesome. We had Franz Ferdinand, The Killers, Kaiser Chiefs, The Fratellis, Snow Patrol, Kasabian and Kings of Leon to name but a few. Now as of 2010, we can see that most, if not all of the bands, have changed their formula (except for The Fratellis, who are no longer with us). These bands are nothing like the ones we have today. They have the eccentric frontmen, pounding distorted guitars, clever, thought-provoking and poetic lyrics - It really is an art form. A canvas oil-painting of a French Riviera or Mediterranean sunset. Something anyone could enjoy just a little bit. Now, Indie is exactly that, but painted with only one colour. Grey. It's still the same quirky 3 and half minute tune but it's boring. It's lacking depth. No wonder Kaiser Chiefs and The Killers use these big anthemic synths and Snow Patrol have the singalongability (yes, I just made up a word). You do get the bands that delve into the Rock and pop like Florence and the Machine but that's pop. That's fully acceptable. And then Franz Ferdinand who describe themselves as 'Dirty Pop' have hard driven guitars, grinding synth stabs and these liquidy basslines. And then you go mad half way through a song with an acid trance solo, which is exactly what they did with Lucid Dreams from Tonight: Franz Ferdinand.
And what of today? Listed next are some bands that have been getting airplay for the past year or so. I don't see why...Starting off with The Drums.
The Drums are an Indie outfit from New York. They have a lead singer, a guitarist, a bassist and a drummer. And that's it. No lead guitarist. No synths. No extra instruments. "Ah, but you don't need all them instruments, do you? Look at Muse. There's only 3 of them and they cover them basis." Yes, that is correct. But Muse have this massive sound. And they do delve into other areas of the spectrum. The Drums are just weedy. Clean guitars, tiny drumkits and a lead singer who looks like a reject from the 80's. As for their songs, you can't really do much with it, just listen and think "well that's another 3 minutes of silence I'll never have again." "I want to go surfing" they boldly claim in their song Let's Go Surfing. Starting with whistling and, wait, is that even a bass guitar? Why is it not pounding my eardrums? And as soon as another member of the band joined the lead singer guy, Jonathan Pierce (Not to be confused with the shouty Robot Wars commentator Jonathan Pearce, although it easy to see why you would be confused. They have nearly the same name), I immediately stopped the video because it got boring and switched my attention to Best Friend. No, not my best friend, their song Best Friend. Have a listen...
Some people call that a music video. I don't know what it is. And the dancing! Our old washing machine, which decided to become possessed by the devil and try to escape when it broke, moved out of the cupboard it's housed in with more grace. There isn't any artistic flair. There's nothing funky that catches your eye. At least paint the walls. Put a curtain up! Heck, save on that and just hang a picture on the wall. And then...All hell breaks loose! For The Drums decide to better whatever they've been doing the past 2 and a bit minutes by...putting the stuff away! The band then just leave poor Jonathan by himself, dancing. I've seen people dancing by themselves and it's not a good sight. Especially when they don't know they look like a fool. And then there's the endless amount of credits at the end. How many people do you need to shoot 3 and a-half minutes of one shot consisting of putting away your instruments and some dad dancing? At the most, 1. 1 guy can press play on the tape player, record, make tea, edit and publish. Not ten bazillion! And 1 guy can also put the gain up on the amplifier. Give it more drive!
And don't even get me started on Vampire Weekend...
Sounds like a couple of girly nights in watching Twilight. Ergo, not a very good one. Vampire Weekend reside in New York. You may have heard a Vampire Weekend song. A-punk goes Eh-eh-eh-eh.
Maybe I should have stressed that it's more like Ay-ay-ay-ay. Hence the name, probably. Not just, 'a punk'. It's more up-beat than The Drums song. By up-beat, I do of course mean you could put a more dignified movement to it. Punching the air on the ay's. And that's as far as it goes. Many of their songs have these really quick repeated riffs that are only 2 seconds long but take the rest of the afternoon to think "what was that all about?" Okay, so what abouts their latest offering, huh? Well, a song that I've heard being played a lot on Radio One is White Sky. White Sky gets off to a promising start. There's some synth in there. There's the guitar. Tick them boxes! But then...everything changes for the...erm...chorus, I think it's supposed to be; to quote line one.
"Ayyyoooo, ayyyi-a-ooooo, ayyyooooo, oooooooh-oooh"
What? Erm...yes. Definitely a chorus in structural terms but what sounds like the noise you make when you've had all your teeth pulled out with a pair of industrial pliers by a blind man. Check it out. 1:06 in the brilliantly choreographed video.
I assume they don't have an official video yet. I only wanted it for the track. So could you believe my luck when I found dancing sumo's? It's in time and everything. That's brilliant. Oh, back onto the song...It started off so well and then there's this whining. Are they even lyrics? It sounds like pain. It is pain. To me. Hat's off to them though, they used a synthesizer. And pan pipes in A-punk. Wait...Pan pipes? Sounds a bit folky to me...
Oh no...
Not that, anything but that...
Folk...
Indie Folk...
I am of course referring to Mumford & Sons, who are British! Horray! But they are a Folk band. Boo! Folk originates from before the 13th Century. Music comes in and out of waves, but there must have been a reason why it took a very long time to get to become popular 2010. 600 years to be more precise. It's all about maidens and valleys and other things from the 1400's. We don't have maidens any more. We have women. We don't have valleys anymore. It's easier to call it a hill. Mumford use guitars, drums and keyboards, all acceptable in today's standards. Then there's an accordion. The most famous thing an accordion has done was the theme tune to 'Allo 'Allo and become a handy tool for the French busker. Mandolins, Dobro's (steel resonator guitars), doublebass and banjos are all used. Whistle for the Choir by The Fratellis used a Mandolin in the solo and Travis used a banjo in Sing. Perfect for one offs. Not if you sound like a removal company. Moving on, I've had enough of Mumford & Sons. I'm not even finding a video of dancing sumo's to accompany this bit of text. It's not worth it.
Deezal Dwee? Dweezal Dee? Dweezal Dwee? Denzil Dwee? Oh...no. Darwin Deez. The opening to Constellation by however many are in the band, cleverly starts with 'Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are?'
PLAGIARISM! Somebody tell Mozart!
Looking through my research, I've noticed one thing. The bands that I mentioned at the very beggining. Franz Ferdinand, Kaiser Chiefs, Kasabian, etc. all have on thing in common. They're all British. Apart from The Killers. They're from Las Vegas but they seem to be more popular over here. The same with Kings of Leon. Vampire Weekend are from America. The Drums are from America. Deisel Dweezal is/are from America. Mumford & Sons are from the past. It's America! America are taking our formula and trying to make it better. It hasn't worked. Sorry, America, but you can't do Indie like the Brits. We invented it after all. Independent rock started out from Britpop. You can't get any more British than Britpop. Whenever I've heard these on the radio without paying much attention to the announcement before the track, I would have thought the American bands sounded British. I looked into it more and found out that it's not our problem. But there is one band that I wish was ours. They are American. And they aren't too bad. Ladies and Gentlemen, White Rabbits with Percussion Gun...
And why do I find it good? They use pounding drums - Albeit they're only two floor toms but they work - distorted guitar, a melodic bass, upright piano and solid singing. It goes to show that they can do it without sounding weedy or looking geeky. More of this stuff please, America...because this is one of the songs that'll make 2010 memorable.
But, it does also go to show that with these selection of tunes, 2010 isn't for guitar based bands anymore. Guitar bands are going out of phase for now. Synth and pop are being revived. Which is why the top songs of this year for me are mostly pop songs. Guitars have been thriving for a good part of 10 years. Now I think it's time for them to subtly hang in the background and look cool. Unless they have something big and outrageous accompanying them. In which case they can stay at the front and yell about it!
Monday, 26 July 2010
Now, I am sorry...
The other day, I wrote a post on the comedy rock band Wormrot. I do beg your pardon; death metal band Wormrot. It's so hard not to get these mixed up. I received a comment on this which shocked me a little...I didn't know anyone read this but it shows what I know. I thought it was just a bit of fun to keep my thought on archive so I could look back and laugh. The following comment was what was posted
"Spoken with the wit and grace of pig's ar*e. Do your research on things before running them down and displaying your uninformed opinion.
PS. Why does someone like you have a blog? Who considers these shi**ings on as an important enough to read on a daily basis?"
I was quite humbled. Someone had gone out of their own way to (badly) get back to me and tell me why what I did was biblically wrong and bang out of order...
I, however, didn't think I was wrong, for a number of reasons...
1. "Spoken with the wit and grace of a pig's ar*e..."
Wit AND grace? I wasn't being funny, I was genuinely being genuine.
2. "Do your research..."
I did do my research! I went to HMV and picked up the actual CD; read the actual names of the tracks; Something happened in here which involved laughing at the track names but the less said about that the better; I then actually put the CD down; went home; listened to a song called Fix Your Broken Mind on YouTube; thought "ahh, it is as ridiculous as I thought"; decided not give myself the burden of listening to a mind bending 20 more minutes of the stuff (because it's probably exactly the same); and wrote the blog. If that isn't research then I don't know what is.
3. "Your uninformed opinion..."
Yes, it is uninformed and yes, it is my opinion...Kudos! Well done. 10 points.
4. "Why does someone like you have a blog?..."
Because the kind people of Blogger have given me the opportunity, that's why.
5. "Who considers these shi**ings on as an important enough to read on a daily basis?"
I'm going to clean that up in the grammatical and linguistic sense...
"Who considers your words important enough to read on a daily basis?"
I had to make it make sense because I had trouble deciphering the enigma of the bad grammar. If people don't like what they're reading, there is a big X in the corner. Click that and it will all go away. Finally, if your reading my words and don't consider them to be that important that you simply have to comment, then doesn't that just prove that you have just read it in it's entirety?
I must say, it made my day reading that. I probably wouldn't have know if I hadn't been told. I started this blog as a bit of fun. I even said in my first post that it was a light hearted outlook. But there's always one. I even said 'Don't 'ave a go!' So for that, I am sorry.
Sorry for having a sense of humour.
Sorry for not doing enough "research"
Sorry for having an opinion.
Sorry for starting a blog.
Sorry for making sentences understandable.
Sorry for disowning that one person who loves Wormrot (The band, not actual worm rot. That would be disgusting).
I promise you I will never post something like this ever again for at least 10 minutes...
"Spoken with the wit and grace of pig's ar*e. Do your research on things before running them down and displaying your uninformed opinion.
PS. Why does someone like you have a blog? Who considers these shi**ings on as an important enough to read on a daily basis?"
I was quite humbled. Someone had gone out of their own way to (badly) get back to me and tell me why what I did was biblically wrong and bang out of order...
I, however, didn't think I was wrong, for a number of reasons...
1. "Spoken with the wit and grace of a pig's ar*e..."
Wit AND grace? I wasn't being funny, I was genuinely being genuine.
2. "Do your research..."
I did do my research! I went to HMV and picked up the actual CD; read the actual names of the tracks; Something happened in here which involved laughing at the track names but the less said about that the better; I then actually put the CD down; went home; listened to a song called Fix Your Broken Mind on YouTube; thought "ahh, it is as ridiculous as I thought"; decided not give myself the burden of listening to a mind bending 20 more minutes of the stuff (because it's probably exactly the same); and wrote the blog. If that isn't research then I don't know what is.
3. "Your uninformed opinion..."
Yes, it is uninformed and yes, it is my opinion...Kudos! Well done. 10 points.
4. "Why does someone like you have a blog?..."
Because the kind people of Blogger have given me the opportunity, that's why.
5. "Who considers these shi**ings on as an important enough to read on a daily basis?"
I'm going to clean that up in the grammatical and linguistic sense...
"Who considers your words important enough to read on a daily basis?"
I had to make it make sense because I had trouble deciphering the enigma of the bad grammar. If people don't like what they're reading, there is a big X in the corner. Click that and it will all go away. Finally, if your reading my words and don't consider them to be that important that you simply have to comment, then doesn't that just prove that you have just read it in it's entirety?
I must say, it made my day reading that. I probably wouldn't have know if I hadn't been told. I started this blog as a bit of fun. I even said in my first post that it was a light hearted outlook. But there's always one. I even said 'Don't 'ave a go!' So for that, I am sorry.
Sorry for having a sense of humour.
Sorry for not doing enough "research"
Sorry for having an opinion.
Sorry for starting a blog.
Sorry for making sentences understandable.
Sorry for disowning that one person who loves Wormrot (The band, not actual worm rot. That would be disgusting).
I promise you I will never post something like this ever again for at least 10 minutes...
Thursday, 22 July 2010
The Happy and Delightful World of Wormrot
Yesterday, I was in town with my good pal Rowan. During our wander, we decided to have a look in HMV - y'know, just to see what they had to offer. As we made our way around we decided to play a little game; Who can find the most ridiculous sounding band/artist name. Puddle of Mudd; Fountains of Wayne and The Jonas Brothers were all contenders for the most ridiculous sounding names. And then we got to the metal bands and we had to start all over again...
Metal is good. I have no problems with the more melodic metal and stuff that you can really bang your floppy hair to. Within the scale of rock, metal is a guilty pleasure. You wouldn't play it over the front room CD player as ambient music at a social gathering, but you wouldn't mind listen to Killing in the Name Of by Rage Against the Machine in the comfort of your own bedroom. But what of these silly sounding names? Well, sit back and I'll show...
Looking at what metal bands there were, we had to change the rules to who could find the most dignified sounding track title. A track that wouldn't look out of place on a pop album. It was a tricky job but there were a few but that was nothing compared to how many track names we found that were literally awesomely ridiculous. Take for example, Wormrot. Wormrot (20 points already for silly name) are a Deathcore, Thrash metal, grindcore, thingy band from Singapore. They released an album called Abuse which is a pretty cool name for a metal album. And that's as far as it goes. Abuse features a massive 23 songs. 23 songs! There should be a rule of thumb with albums. No less than 11, no more than 14. But Wormrot don't play by the rules. So they put 23 songs on Abuse, which are as follows...(Warning: Asterisks * are going to be used to hide some letters. Your brain will hopefully fill in them missing letters so I don't have to)
1. Lost Swines - Presumably a song about a farmer who left his farm gate open and his pigs got out and he couldn't find them anywhere
2. Exterminate - Presumably a song about the Daleks from Dr. Who
3. Double Feeding - Because only feeding one is one less, especially when there are two
4. Born Stupid - See what I mean with the sillyness?
5. Sledgehammer - Maybe this is a cover of the Peter Gabriel hit of the 80's
6. So Fierce for F*ck - Do I have to explain?
7. DisAppointing - This title is (If you say that with a bit of a high pitched growl, you sound like Yoda)
8. Good Times - It wouldn't look out of place on a Will Young album or whatever. I'm guessing this is probably the happiest song on the album...
9. Freedom to Act - Not unless you're a drama student
10. Indonesia - A song about the popular country
(I'm already losing the will...but I shall carry on)
11. Sh*tlack - A song about constipation?
12. Condemnation - Again, sounds quite liable as a metal song name
13. One Round Away - A possible song about drinking before one has to go home
14. F*ck...I'm Drunk - Ahh, spoke too late there
15. Operation Grindcore - Operation Aweful
16. Rich - A song about not being poor. It looks like Wormrot are dreaming of the day this will happen, hence the song.
17. Overgrown Asshole - Erm...yes
18. Blasphemy My Ass - It sounds like a 1930's figure of bemusement. "Blasphemy? My bottom is it!"
19. Fix Your Broken Mind - If you listen to this, it's not hard to see why their mind may be broken
20. Newkiller Nuclear - Oh a pun! That's funny. Or, someone doesn't know how to work the delete key
21. Uncovered and Proud as F*ck - Someone is really pleased with the unveiling of that new plaque
22. Murder - Is wrong...totally and utterly wrong
23. Scum Infestation and Last Song - Infested with scum? Like soap scum? In the bathroom? And if you didn't know that this was the last song, then Wormrot kindly tell you that it is in fact the last song.
23 songs. All of which feature the same thing. Heavily distorted guitars; screaming; drums; and most importantly of all, more screaming. No bass? No scary sounding organs? Just guitars screaming and drums. You start to feel sorry for Wormrot with their song names; thinking that they were written by an 11 year old. But you listen to one of their songs and you suddenly realise 'my god, they ARE 11 year olds!' And altogether, an albums worth is only 21 minutes worth of noise. Because, I'm guessing, 10 minutes longer would give you more than enough time to realise you wasted a tenner! Hat's off to them. Their drums are in time and their guitars are in tune (I think), but with each song being about 20 seconds long and the next one just around the corner, it's hard to see how this couldn't be a hit!
Considering this is only the single disc album, they also sell a double disc which pushes boundaries even further with songs like Propagrinda, Wall of Sh*t and (brace yourself here) Power and Terror Maximator. The latter 2 are crying out loud funny! Power and Terror Maximator sounds like a low budget action film whereas Wall of Sh*t is highly questionable. Why? What mind bending substance were Wormrot on when they thought that was a good name?
If you're ever in the need of a laugh whether a pet has died or you lost £10 on buying a 21 minute album, go to HMV and look in the metal section and read away to your hearts content. If you aren't rolling around on the floor in your own tears, you must have something wrong with you.
(I'm going to carry on this hunt for silly names in the music industry, so keep an eye out)
Metal is good. I have no problems with the more melodic metal and stuff that you can really bang your floppy hair to. Within the scale of rock, metal is a guilty pleasure. You wouldn't play it over the front room CD player as ambient music at a social gathering, but you wouldn't mind listen to Killing in the Name Of by Rage Against the Machine in the comfort of your own bedroom. But what of these silly sounding names? Well, sit back and I'll show...
Looking at what metal bands there were, we had to change the rules to who could find the most dignified sounding track title. A track that wouldn't look out of place on a pop album. It was a tricky job but there were a few but that was nothing compared to how many track names we found that were literally awesomely ridiculous. Take for example, Wormrot. Wormrot (20 points already for silly name) are a Deathcore, Thrash metal, grindcore, thingy band from Singapore. They released an album called Abuse which is a pretty cool name for a metal album. And that's as far as it goes. Abuse features a massive 23 songs. 23 songs! There should be a rule of thumb with albums. No less than 11, no more than 14. But Wormrot don't play by the rules. So they put 23 songs on Abuse, which are as follows...(Warning: Asterisks * are going to be used to hide some letters. Your brain will hopefully fill in them missing letters so I don't have to)
1. Lost Swines - Presumably a song about a farmer who left his farm gate open and his pigs got out and he couldn't find them anywhere
2. Exterminate - Presumably a song about the Daleks from Dr. Who
3. Double Feeding - Because only feeding one is one less, especially when there are two
4. Born Stupid - See what I mean with the sillyness?
5. Sledgehammer - Maybe this is a cover of the Peter Gabriel hit of the 80's
6. So Fierce for F*ck - Do I have to explain?
7. DisAppointing - This title is (If you say that with a bit of a high pitched growl, you sound like Yoda)
8. Good Times - It wouldn't look out of place on a Will Young album or whatever. I'm guessing this is probably the happiest song on the album...
9. Freedom to Act - Not unless you're a drama student
10. Indonesia - A song about the popular country
(I'm already losing the will...but I shall carry on)
11. Sh*tlack - A song about constipation?
12. Condemnation - Again, sounds quite liable as a metal song name
13. One Round Away - A possible song about drinking before one has to go home
14. F*ck...I'm Drunk - Ahh, spoke too late there
15. Operation Grindcore - Operation Aweful
16. Rich - A song about not being poor. It looks like Wormrot are dreaming of the day this will happen, hence the song.
17. Overgrown Asshole - Erm...yes
18. Blasphemy My Ass - It sounds like a 1930's figure of bemusement. "Blasphemy? My bottom is it!"
19. Fix Your Broken Mind - If you listen to this, it's not hard to see why their mind may be broken
20. Newkiller Nuclear - Oh a pun! That's funny. Or, someone doesn't know how to work the delete key
21. Uncovered and Proud as F*ck - Someone is really pleased with the unveiling of that new plaque
22. Murder - Is wrong...totally and utterly wrong
23. Scum Infestation and Last Song - Infested with scum? Like soap scum? In the bathroom? And if you didn't know that this was the last song, then Wormrot kindly tell you that it is in fact the last song.
23 songs. All of which feature the same thing. Heavily distorted guitars; screaming; drums; and most importantly of all, more screaming. No bass? No scary sounding organs? Just guitars screaming and drums. You start to feel sorry for Wormrot with their song names; thinking that they were written by an 11 year old. But you listen to one of their songs and you suddenly realise 'my god, they ARE 11 year olds!' And altogether, an albums worth is only 21 minutes worth of noise. Because, I'm guessing, 10 minutes longer would give you more than enough time to realise you wasted a tenner! Hat's off to them. Their drums are in time and their guitars are in tune (I think), but with each song being about 20 seconds long and the next one just around the corner, it's hard to see how this couldn't be a hit!
Considering this is only the single disc album, they also sell a double disc which pushes boundaries even further with songs like Propagrinda, Wall of Sh*t and (brace yourself here) Power and Terror Maximator. The latter 2 are crying out loud funny! Power and Terror Maximator sounds like a low budget action film whereas Wall of Sh*t is highly questionable. Why? What mind bending substance were Wormrot on when they thought that was a good name?
If you're ever in the need of a laugh whether a pet has died or you lost £10 on buying a 21 minute album, go to HMV and look in the metal section and read away to your hearts content. If you aren't rolling around on the floor in your own tears, you must have something wrong with you.
(I'm going to carry on this hunt for silly names in the music industry, so keep an eye out)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
