A month as told by Horoscopes - Week 1

Recently, whilst reading through the newspaper, I got to the horoscope section, next to the Wallace and Gromit cartoon. It made a prediction that I thought would change my life and indeed my opinions on the Stars and this weird planetary reading thing once and for all. It predicted that I, as a Piscean, would have 'lotto luck.' I went out and bought a lottery ticket, one line of numbers chosen by myself and a lucky dip. I was waiting in anticipation for the Lottery to come up. Turns out, I had just wasted £2 on a worthless piece of paper and unlike someone, I was going back to work on the Monday. Is it a ply? Do they actually work? Are people as gullible than me? From that experience I would say avoid them like James Corden avoids a salad bar. But that was only one experience of a horoscope. So, over the next 28 days (the least amount of days in a month, thank you February) I've taken it upon myself to publish all of the days readings from The Sun and horoscopes.co.uk for Sunday because the News of the World don't publish them (as far as I'm aware. I tried to look for theirs on their website but it just kept told me to spend money to see the page. Oh nonono) and see if they do show some truth that the stars hold the answers for love, life and some other third thing beginning with L. Or if they are a L...L...L...load of bullrubbish. Oh dear, what have I let myself into?

February 1st - What it says:
Mind planet Mercury helps you focus on your plans instead of being distracted by others - and you can make exciting progress. The moon in the most sociable part of your chart gives you tantalising love choices to make. Luck links you to a Gemini friend.

Was it all it said it was?:
Well, day one hasn't got the greatest wording ever. But focusing on the points I can see none of them making sense. My plans? I have loads of plans at the moment, for example - do I buy a new computer? Should I buy a VW Polo or consider an alternative? What is for dinner tonight? But I like the fact that I could make exciting progress with it, whatever it is. As for the moon, it may be the sociable but not the most desirable. Not when it's compared to say, Jupiter. Jupiter is bigger and a lot more colourful than our Lunar. Unless, it's more centred on my search for a job, which was my main focus of yesterday. It's a day behind. Don't tell me what's already happened! I can do that with my memory. And I can't think of a Gemini friend who is going to help me in my search for what I want for dinner...Nil points so far, I'm afraid.

February 2nd - What it says:
Your inner strength is doubled by Mars and a fresh start will get a precious project moving again. Being the first to say you think a relationship has a future feels like a gamble but it's the one you could win. Single? When a face from the past reappears you both could feel love. Luck travels north.

Was it all it said it was?:
Well, if I'm honest, part of it yes. "A fresh start will get a precious project moving again," it says. Since working in a soulless factory, I had no time for myself. I would literally get home and run people over on Grand Theft Auto IV, have dinner, watch telly and go to bed meaning my music was put on hold. Now that I don't work anymore (Not something I'm planning on doing forever) I can get back into my music and tonight I started writing a chorus to a tune I've had in the pipe works since last year. I've started the precious project again so to speak. Or could it be something to do with me tidying my room which I started but never finished? Hmmmm, both could be liable. I'm going to go with the music stuff. However the rest of it is naff. I didn't really see any faces today, apart from my own and I'm not that vain. Luck travels north. The furthest north I've been today is the other side of the settee. And that didn't make me feel luckier. So, slightly good but bad overall. Thank you Mars.

February 3rd - What it says:
You are in touch with other people's secret feelings now the moon sharpens your intuition. This makes you a good friend and an amazing partner. A fresh attempt to get along with a new face in the family will succeed this time. Single? Your ideal love has a gift for interpreting dreams.

Was it all it said it was?:
No. None of this is relatable. I like the fact that it makes me a good friend and an amazing partner BUT there is no new face in the family from either side, mother or father, and if I could find someone who can tell me what I was on when I dreamt that I was working behind the scenes on a TV show and crashing a high-rised train into a car with Norris from Coronation Street then that should be a God send regardless of being an ideal love or not. I think it was something to do with the cheese...It was either too much or not enough.

February 4th - What it says:
Now you can balance keeping a partner happy and finding time for your own friendships and projects. Single? The moon in your personality chart will love match you with another Pisces. Your blend of intuition and logic helps you find the answer you need to be a winner.

Was it all it said it was?:
It's not accurate from the start. I don't have a partner. In a nutshell it was basically what it said yesterday. What is my personality chart? I somehow imagine a wall poster with the days of the weeks and "be (emotion)" like Monday - Be happy, Tuesday - Be thoughtful etc. All I can see with this is "Be unimpressed." I can find the answers to be a winner. I'm not falling for that old chestnut again. With losing the lottery like last time.

February 5th - What it says:
Venus checks in to the most sociable part of your chart and though you say you're just friends, there is love potential. In a relationship? The moon brings extra trust and passion. The family member furthest from you has extraordinary news just for you. Luck links to a local radio station.

Was it all it said it was?:
Pretty much the same? Yes. I don't like how they keep asking if I'm single. Yes, I am! Stop asking me. It's like a forceful peer saying "haven't you done the paper, YET!?" I'll get round to it, I've just got stuff on my mind. The moon is getting involved quite a lot by delivering extra trust and passion. Well it must have delivered it whilst I wasn't in because I got bleeding none of it. And I was waiting for this extraordinary news all day. That also must have came when I was out. But luck links to a local radio station. Lincs FM and Radio Lincolnshire are the only local radio stations. And they're really dull. I should have taken it upon myself to listen to it to see if there was any luck but I've got standards.

February 6th - What it says:
You might be energised by those born under Aries and Aquarius. Turning things around is likely - but at a literal level could damage your back. Involvement in a lively discussion about education is probable. You might prefer to choose someone with experience over qualifications for a task. Emotionally too you could be affected by someone's decision to change direction.

Was it all it said it was?:
This was all new. On the face it looked legit. After all, it is from Horoscope.co.uk. Firstly, I was born under Aries and Aquarius - my mum and dad. My word, this is more accurate. And that's where it ends. There's nothing there that's working here. But with that in mind, there's no "why aren't you married yet?" rubbish. I might start using these more often. They could work...and they're easier to copy and paste.

February 7th - What it says:
Clever Mercury helps you recognise respect can be just as important as liking people. This helps you work well with someone who can seem difficult. In your love life more trust means more passion. Single? A new face, with a name you recognise, would be an adventurous choice.

Was it all it said it was?:
Mercury is now clever.  I haven't worked with a difficult person in a long time so this hasn't hit the nail on the head I'm afraid. Again with me being single...I get it! No new faces, no recognisable names, no adventurous choices.

So a week gone, three more to go...next post